Five Powerful Questions to Ask Yourself Post-Chaos

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:00:24

Welcome to Blank Pages, the podcast. A podcast for people who appreciate the new beginnings of a clean slate, but strive for the courageous willingness, curiosity, and creativity only available on the blank pages of new possibilities. It's the potential to move beyond, move forward, where people are willing to make new decisions from fresh perspectives and are ready to write in a much better way. The world is waiting and listening, and nothing listens better than a blank piece of paper. So, hey, welcome to the show. I'm so glad that you are here today, joining me in giving me some of your time. Let me get these headphones situated here. I'm excited about today's topic.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:01:09

I'm gonna be following back up on this whole thing of coming out of turbulence and chaos and also just paying attention to what took place, I mean, in our country, just a terrible act of violence and attempt to take a presidential candidate's life or a former president. It's. Man, we're in a world where, I mean, I think we need to get better at being humans, right? And doing things better and dealing with adversity and difficult things better. And so. And I'm also a person who likes to talk about things that are actually either going on in the world or actually I've experienced recently gone through or things I'm working with other people to go through. Right. So this is kind of like, what's nice is the topic of what I'm on, on this chaos is kind of some things that I've learned about myself and my own journey, things that I've experienced working with people, be them, relationships, friendships, clients, and just. Yeah, just.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:02:15

It's relevant. It's relevant because it's. Challenges come and difficulties come, and sometimes they're turbulent, sometimes they're chaotic. Right. So, yeah, I want to get into that a little bit more. So I just want to say thank you again for those of you who've been listening and have been faithfully listening and doing so. I really appreciate it. I'm not one that chase and look at all the numbers and all of that, but I appreciate the feedback I get.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:02:38

I had someone say the other day, which was a tremendous compliment to me. And if you do not listen to Ed Milet, I encourage you to do so. So go listen to Ed Milette. But they gave a compliment. They said, hey, I listened to your podcast and I have it in my rotation with some Ed Milet. And I was like, hey, that was cool. That was a compliment. So.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:02:59

So any of you out there, I'm not looking for any compliment. I'm just trying to help you get some stuff that will help you in your life to have some shelf life for you can reach and grab these resources and tools and ideas, thoughts, inspirations, things that I am trying to speak inspirationally to your aspirations as well as give you some tools and things that you can use along the way. So if you haven't subscribed to the show, I'm asking if you would please do so. I'd appreciate it. Go to Apple Podcast, Spotify podcast, Amazon Music. But I also want to bring this up. I haven't said much about this, but, and it's kind of like my. It's kind of, it's like my new go to thing, which I need to talk more about some of the tools that I like to use.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:03:41

But also odyssey. I listen to Odyssey and I also listen to audible. So audible obviously is the book. So if you the book audiobook source. So my kids book flit learns to fly will be on there soon. But what I like is when I have, I buy a book. So this is why I like this. And I'm telling you about this for subscribing to the show because you can get blank pages, the podcast.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:04:04

So bl space nk space p space g E s. So leave out the a's and spell blank pages and you will find the podcast. But on Odyssey, I'm in there. So the reason I'm telling you about is because I like to be able to. Sometimes I'm reading a book, and then sometimes after I'm reading it in the chapters, like a great book by Erwin McManus. I love reading called mind Shift is what's really cool is I listen, I read the book and then I'll go listen to him do the audio book, and then I come back to the book again. And so I love that. But then he has a podcast, too.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:04:38

So then I listen to his podcast that's also in audible. So it's a nice way for me to have all those things in a location that I don't have to jump around and figure out how to get to this and that. So you can listen to the Blank Pages podcast and you can follow it on the Odyssey app or on Audible. Odyssey is another like, station where you can listen to podcasts and shows and so forth, so on. So please check it out there. I appreciate it. And also, don't forget about substack because I am starting developing some little essays and writing pieces that I'm going to start putting on substack. So I feel like there's a lot so my show until today, before I get into today's message or topic, which is a message to me because it's a message that I want you all to have in the world that you can, if you were to put your compass to work, your captain's compass, like last week, what I had in the podcast episode before this one, it's, if you would please realize that you are the captain of your boat and you have a compass and you got to get your true north.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:05:35

So I want this to get and to resonate with you, deeply inside of you. So there's a story, right, that I gave to you last week, but there's a message in there that you are the captain, and you need to learn to navigate your boat and remind yourself what your true north is. But anyways, my show and tell today kind of goes along with that. And it was a gift from my wife. And when she and her sister, they always wanted to go to Waco, Texas, and they went to Magnolia, and this was some time back. And this is a leather, a piece of leather that was cut out that you hang. And so this is normally hanging up. And.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:06:08

But it's the message on here because see this, today's podcast that I'm going to talk about, which I don't really know. I have a title, but my idea right now is what I can learn from chaos, trouble, and challenges. Right. Coming out of it, what can I learn? What questions can I ask? But you have to start with really knowing who you are when you want to ask these questions. And so this show and tell that I'm going to have, and I'll post a picture of it also that you'll be able to see. It has the message that I feel like the recent turbulence I went through, it was like calling this into question. This was me making sure that I knew that this was still true of me. But it was literally like, I felt assaulted and attacked around this, okay.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:06:56

Inside of myself, outside of me, but it was in me. But the good thing is, I know that these things are true. So, authenticity is rarely found in grand gestures, not in lightning strikes or fireworks in the sky. It is a deepen, deep rooted, gentle stirring. An invitation to be the only you there was ever meant to be. It's the clearing away of all that is not true, peeling back the layers until you discover what was there in the beginning. It's allowing yourself to be truly known and loved, as well as really knowing and loving someone else. It's the willingness to stand alone in doing what you believe is right.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:07:36

Even when what's right isn't a popular choice. Authenticity can't be copied. It can't be false. It withstands shifting sand. It resists comparison. It defies seeing yourself as who you are less than or who you're not. It's acknowledging the difference between what is fake and what is real. Because when we are real, shabbiness won't matter.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:08:06

Lack will disappear and falling short will lose its foothold. So your time is now to welcome in the light that is all your own, to dive deep into the glorious reality of who you are meant to be. Let's not tarry, let's not hesitate in finding the one life we were born to claim. And so that's on here. And so the reason I wanted to. And I'm clearing my throat, I apologize for that. I need to get me one. I should put my throat clear.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:08:40

A little device in here again. Anyways, maybe the AI will take it out. So my topic that I want to get into, which to me, yeah, I'm just going to be human with this, the sounds, noises and all that. I apologize. I'll do my best to make sure they don't overwhelm. But I want to reflect. I want to help people reflect on experiences after navigating turbulent times. Right.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:09:05

Turbulent things, difficult things, obstacles. So whether it's in life or work in relationships, because it's crucial for their growth and their learning. So I want to give five insightful questions an individual should ask themselves. Now, once again, this is because of what I went through. I'm literally. I mean, there are times, I mean, and we all go through them. And it's. And I can say, like, what I'm recently experiencing in my life is equivalent to some of the biggest life changes I've ever experienced in my life before.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:09:40

And it's because it's breaking apart of things that are inside that you may not even know are in there. Sometimes it takes a little bump. Like, you don't know what's like. It could be at your house. You don't know what's behind the vinyl siding on your home or what's behind the shutter until you bang on it. And sometimes as we're growing and we're doing life and we're doing this life in the house called us and we're living in there, we don't. We're not paying attention sometimes. And so there are things that need to be pressure washed and things that need to be deep cleaned and things that we put inside of a closet and things that you put over here and things that you and we need to get into, you know, into maybe looking at that house and paying attention to it.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:10:19

Right. So what are the questions coming through difficult things. So in other words, a storm came, a bunch of stuff blew up and blew around in your home and whatever. So in your person, life has stirred up a bunch of stuff. And so the reason I'm bringing it up is because most of the time in our difficult times, in our turbulence, which what I went through last week is you have to have preparation. You have to know how to be calm. You have to know how to lead yourself. Like that's important.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:10:42

So we can't fix what you haven't done already. But what do you do when you come out of the storm? Because you're going to come out of it. I mean, I want to see you go into difficult things knowing that you're prepared to whatever level you can be, that you're a little bit, you have understanding because everything you come out of should give you more understanding to be able to deal with the next thing you've got to do. Everything should connect to the next. We should be always building and growing. It's called continuous improvement and continuous learning, and that's what we need to get into. So if you're, if you go through a difficult thing and you're not just freaking out and flailing around and destroying everything, it's kind of like the lifeguard that goes out to save the swimmer who's drowning and feeling desperate, you know, the life guard's not sitting there going, what are you doing? How did you know you could swim out here? Do you know how to swim? Like, they don't have time for all these questions, but they're trying to save this person who may not be cooperating. They're afraid.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:11:36

And that's what happens when we get in. And when you're trying to work with people who are in chaos and they don't have a plan and they don't have themselves together and they haven't worked. I mean, it's normal. We're all like that. We all go through difficult things and we have different ways of reacting and responding, but sometimes that lifeguard is trying to save the life and almost loses their own in the process. And that's nothing. That's not the design. That's not what we're supposed to do.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:11:57

We're supposed to, we're supposed to put on our mask first, right? We're supposed to do those types of things. But then when we're out there trying to help people. We also have to know what are our options in helping people? But we also have to know, what about us? What if we're the ones that put ourselves in that situation? What do we learn from going out into the surf and not having the skills to swim? But because you wanted to impress someone or be with a group of people or you didn't want to be left out or because you don't want to look like you don't know what you're doing for whatever reason it is that's tied to something in there. So yeah, you could be a 60 year old person who almost loses their life because when you were in your twenties, you never learned how to stop trying to impress people. I mean, it's really, it's that small and that biggest. So I'm going to give you five questions that I'm hoping are going to help you. And I don't really know, and I don't know how I'll continue with this or however, but I do want to put together some resource sheets to help people as they're coming out of with some insightful questions when they come out of difficult things for their life, just life, work and relationships. My goal is to help people be better at being human beings, is for them to look at themselves and reflect on things.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:13:17

Yes, obviously, listen to hear what people have to say. But also, as you take that in, also you have to work on you. You have to live in your, your own skin and you have to work on those things to get better. So you don't want to just rely on outside. You want to hear the outside. You want to get your blind spot information. You even want to get the information that that is, that is blatantly obvious. But you still have to be open to more than the suggestions to look within yourself to bring to the surface the things or be willing to uncover what it is that you need to uncover in order to navigate difficult things in life because life is going to hand you more obstacles and difficulties.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:14:01

So here are the five questions. Number one, and I'm going to give you a purpose and a consideration. So number one, what did I learn about myself? Question one, coming out of the, when you sit down and you get a notebook, like, here's my remarkable, right here. Like, what did I learn about myself? And so there's a real need to understand how the experience has contributed to self awareness. Now. So what did that experience do for me? Being more aware, not just aware, but consciously aware of myself and how I am and how I'm operating. So you, the things that I want you to consider when you're asking that question. So, like to understand how the experiences, how the experience has contributed to your self awareness.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:14:45

Right. For your self management. But then the considerations. Ready? Identify your strengths. Did you find anything new that you're strong at? What about the weaknesses? Anything weak that you realize was truly exposed? You already knew, but you didn't know how bad. Or any new insights that you gained about your character or your ability. What about your character? What did you discover about it? What about when you. I mean, it's amazing.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:15:13

You know, remember, guys, character is about what it needs to be. What constitutes, what is your chemistry? What is your makeup? That's the character, the material. What is it made of? Is it. Is it. Is it what it. Is it really what you say it is? Is it that solid, foundational thing? Does it have that? Is it real? Is that character there? Is it made up of the materials needed? You and you alone need to answer that question. But then there's the abilities. And those ability you have to be honest with yourself now.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:15:44

And obviously with any of these discoveries. I encourage you to talk to others as well. Please bring these things up to other people to bounce this information off. But first, start with you. And you want to get with people that are honest. So the first question is, what did I learn about myself? The second one is, how did I handle the challenges? How did I handle the challenge? So what's the purpose? It's to evaluate your response to stress and adversity. Remember, adversity will reveal who you truly are and not who you say you are. And you can blame it on everything.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:16:22

You can blame it on the rain. You can blame it on another political party. You can blame it on family, friends, relatives, neighbors, people who made you happy, people who made you sad. You can do all of those things, but it's. It's. You want to be able to evaluate your stress. You evaluate or be able to speak to your response to stress and adversity because the real you shows up. So what is the consideration? You want to reflect on your problem solving skills.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:16:53

So what was your answer? Was your answer to maybe go after someone, berate somebody who didn't make something go your way? Was it to know the answer and withhold it because they didn't help you before? I mean. I mean, I don't know what people do to do whatever and what kind of trouble that came out of it. I mean, I don't know. And it could be bigger than that. I mean, there are some big things that take place, but you have to know, how are you solving the problem? What steps are you taking to bring resolution to it? Because if it's to mirror bad behavior, that's not good. To mirror desperation, that's not good. You're also looking to consider, what does your emotional resilience look like in the strategies that you put to work to cope when you were in trouble. The third question, what could I have done differently? So number one was what did I learn about myself? Number two, how did I handle the challenges? Number three, what could I have done differently? So the purpose of that question is to identify the areas for improvement and learn from any of your mistakes.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:18:02

So, like you, so if I know once I've done that and I've done a true inventory and said, now what am I gonna do? How do I learn from this? I wanna, I gotta see, these are the areas I've gotta grow in. And this is what I wanna learn from these mistakes. I wanna learn how to not be reactive. I wanna learn how not to freak out. I wanna learn how to, I mean, you've got to really once again, be honest with that. And then the considerations, think about alternative approaches and actions that might have led to better outcomes. So here's, for instance. So one of the things that you could do, it's a coaching method, is like, so when this happens, so when this happens, I get into this situation, I want someone to do X, Y and Z.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:18:42

Um, they don't do it the way that I want them to. This has happened over and over. Now it's super costly. Something really, really bad has happened, whatever, I mean, I don't know what it is. So instead of your normal way, which has been, maybe you lose it, you go off on them, you yell at people. I mean, I don't know what the story is. Right? So instead of doing that, I will. You want to choose, what is that statement? What is your, what is your new direction that you want to do? I will coach yourself in another direction.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:19:10

What is the alternative? What action can you produce? What could make a better outcome? And remember, you want to align your intention with your impact. So what do you want the outcome to be or the impact? So now you want to align your intentions with that. Well, you have to identify what you could have done differently in order to do that. Number four, what support systems were most helpful? Now this is a big one because some people find themselves without support systems and this is where it can get really hard. I don't know about you and I've done that before. I have made messes of friendships and relationships before, especially when I was younger. I mean, I. And I'll probably do more talks about things like this, but when we get down to it, I mean, you know, there's a lot of people that maybe have never caused a problem in the friendship, but they've never contributed anything either.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:20:01

Right. So there's all kinds of things that you can go through and look at we all, no one is perfect in relationships. So one of the things we have to think about is, you know, know what you're doing in relationship, why you're trying to do what you're doing, what's the motives behind what you're doing? Like, the more you get clear on that, the better, because that way you're not damaging things, you're not harming people. You're. You're thinking of others. Right. So what support systems were most helpful? So the purpose of that is to recognize the importance of support and how it can contribute, or how it contributed to the navigating of the turbulence. So if you were in the turbulence and you realize you don't have the support system, that should tell you something.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:20:42

You need to be asking, what happened? Where did it go? The considerations is because you want to reflect on the role of the people in your life. Family, friends, colleagues, professional help, and how you have historically used those relationships in the past. How you have taken care of them or not taken care of them in the past, how you have harmed them in the past. Not what you think you've done, it's what has happened for them. And see, that's the other part. Like, I can come to you and say, here's what you should do in response to what someone does. That's my opinion. Right? Like, there are people that think if someone gives you a gift, it's only right that you give a gift back.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:21:23

That's not my world. I believe you give as you intend to give, and you give wholeheartedly, and you give without strings or an attachment to it. There are no strings attached. You do not legislate how people are to love you back. Right. You can't control them right now. You can set boundaries of what you're willing to receive, that's fine, but you can't force people. So what support systems were most helpful? If you don't have them, you need to build them.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:21:56

And I'll make a note to myself, too. How do I build a support system? Building a good support. So, you know, because I don't want anyone to be sad, but the best way to start, if you want to know how to build a support system, is the first thing you want to do, is just reach out to those that maybe you've harmed. If you want them back and burned a bridge or whatever, you just apologize and leave it there, ask for forgiveness. And if they reach back out, great. If not, then you got your answer. I mean, I've had to do that myself. Once again, you can't force people, and no matter what I think, just the way it is.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:22:32

So what do you do? You become mindful and yeah, your heart can be sad, but you've got to turn that into what am I going to do to improve myself, to be in a different situation? And I'm talking about the things within your own control, right? So reflect on the role of the people in your life and or the ones you want in your life and reflect on how you use them historically and how you need to in the future, how to make some adjustments. And it's just simple stuff. In other words, what that means is if they help you, you let them know whether or not you help or not. I mean, be open with them, what your intentions are, whatever, just be clear. Make relationships about being authentic, upfront and clear. Number five, how will this experience shape my future actions and decisions? In other words, what am I going to allow it to do? So the purpose is to integrate the lessons that you learn into future behavior and decision making processes, right? So what I want to do is I want to bring all this stuff, what am I learning? I want to bring it into my world and into my life and into my future, because I'm a future person. I'm still an idealist, right? But I have to bring in this pragmatic 12345 to help me be a better with my being an idealistic person, to be a person who believes in an ambitious future, a person who has incredible desire and drive for continuous improvement and growing. And it's not because I'm not content, it's because I believe that people can be extraordinary and can be better.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:24:06

That's what I believe. And then the considerations is determine how this experience will influence your approach to similar situations in the future. Right. So next time this happens, what will I do? Including changes in attitudes and habits and strategies. Because when you reflect on these qualities, it's going to help you get the valuable insight for your growth that you hopefully are wanting. This is going to help you better navigate your future challenges. So what can you learn from the chaos, from the trouble, from the challenges? I mean, I'm hoping you can learn a lot, because I am. I'm learning every day and I'm coming through some things that have dislodged some stuff inside of me which is really good.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:25:00

And I'm really, I'm grateful for where it is. I'm grateful for just being able to reevaluate yourself, how you handle challenges, how you can do things different, what do your support systems look like and then shaping for the future. Remember, this is your blank page moment. How are you going to take what you learned? And how are you going to now? Look at it with a clear mind, clear heart, with the purest of intention, and without anyone else having to be responsible for it. You take your first step forward with knowing what you learn about yourself, getting your understanding right. Secondly, how do you handle challenges and how you want to do it moving forward? Thirdly, what can you do differently? What support system do you have? And if you don't, how can you build it? And then how will the experience that you have, how will you use that to help you inform better future decisions and actions? You got this. I'm very happy and excited for you. So until next time, we'll talk soon.