Ask What Do I Want And Not What Can I Get

Tim Pecoraro (: 00:17

Well, hello and welcome to Blank Pages, the podcast. A podcast for people who appreciate the new beginnings of a clean slate but strive for the courage, willingness, curiosity and creativity available only on the blank pages of new possibilities. It's the potential to move beyond, move forward, where people are willing to make new decisions from fresh perspectives and are ready to write in a much better way.

So the world is waiting and nothing listens better than a blank piece of paper.

So welcome to the show. I'm so glad you can join me today. This is episode number 24 and I've been having fun and I've been appreciating the feedback that I've been getting. And those of you who have not done so already would love it if you would go and rate and review the show. So you can go to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or you could simply hop into my Instagram account or not into my account.

Please don't do that. But you can go over and find my Instagram account at Tim Pecoraro. And there's a link there by a link in that link. You can find my newsletter, which I would love for you to subscribe to, which is simple. A newsletter that goes out monthly, just updating you on what's coming, what's new, and also a review of the things that I've been talking about on the podcast. It will get a lot more robust in the future.

but it's not robust meaning just, just overwhelming. Just, it'll just have some great content. Once again, all about the shelf life stuff. That's what I'm about. That's what this podcast hopefully is about and giving you things that will be useful for you to use in your future. So, yeah. And enough with the housekeeping stuff right now. I'm just going to jump into today's topic. I,

Tim Pecoraro (: 02:11

And by the way, I am videoing these. So those of you who can see me right now, I'm sitting in the studio. I'll be doing a lot of one -to -ones. So, and then some group chats, where I'll have some folks on. I'll be putting some things into LinkedIn as well, doing some live stuff, working with teams, anyone who wants help with coaching and developing their teams. I'm going to be doing some really cool things, right? Stuff that just deals with life and work and helping you get a blank page perspective. Now I'm doing that, right? So.

I'm also using some strategies, which is part of what I do with my company, just helping people to unlock the best that's within them. So anyway, today's topic, the thing that I want to talk about as I'm sitting here in my studio and cannot wait to have the conversations that there'll be in front of me, people sitting at this table that's in here. There's other cameras that'll be, you know, that you'll be able to give angles and shots to where you could see them in the space here. But then also they'll be online with me, which makes it a lot.

more community and we'll also have guests jump in. So anyways, again, I'm trying not to sidebar, but I can't help. I can't help it. I'm sidebar. and, it's cause I'm excited about a lot of stuff anyway. So jumping into it episode 24, and this is all about just wanting, you know, I think we're as people, we, we can get into life and listen.

I know. And if you already a person who has no problem, you always was a person that whatever I want, I go get. And I'm never a person who just settles for anything. And I've never settled ever, ever, ever. Okay, awesome. But the rest of the world's not like that. We have to learn sometimes that there's more. And so sometimes we settle for what we can get. In other words, you know, we, when you start a business there, I'll just use that as an example. A lot of people will start their business.

And what they're gonna do is they're going to try to get the business that they can get instead of the business they want. So now obviously when you just start a new company, sometimes you have to just go with what you can get. It may not be about what you want. Now ultimately you do need to have in your mind what you want, right? That's why you're going into business. So you want to know what it is that you want.

Tim Pecoraro (: 04:24

And I'm reminded of a story and you know, if I lose some of you, that's, you know, hopefully you won't run away because you're not aligned with me exactly, or you don't believe like me in my spiritual beliefs. But I love, there's an Old Testament account where, you know, Solomon's making all these offerings, right? And I'm not going to get all these details, but he makes all these offerings to God, just making these sacrifices and offerings. And, and then he gets a visit and at the foot of his bed, you know, he gets God.

basically at his foot at the foot of his bed. And just, it's just one simple question. What do you want? What do you want? Like, why are you going all in? Like you're making all this. Why you are prioritizing, sacrificing, you're doing the thing that you should do as someone who believes or follows me. And you are doing that. What do you want? Right? There's a reason there's something behind that. And I think.

It would be good for us in life to realize that we don't control things. We're not in control of things. And I don't think we should ever, I don't think it's healthy for us to try to live our lives trying to be in control of things either. Obviously we want to be wise. We want to be safe. You know, there's things so, so, you know, have some control over the things that you can have control over, right? And there's wisdom in that. I'm just talking about, we cannot run around trying to control everything in our desire is to.

mostly have control is to have control. As humans, we want control. Most of our discomfort, I would probably say, is around when we don't have control. We're extremely uncomfortable. Could be our thoughts seem to be out of control, our emotions, or, I mean, who knows? I mean, I'm just, you know, I got a little speculating and I've got some experience too going on, but what do you want? And so today's episode is, I want to help us get to where,

I want us to want more than what we can just get. Right? So just think I want you, me, and I'm talking to you who's listening. I want you to get more. Sorry. I want. Yeah. I want more than what you can just get. I want you to have more than what you can just get. I want you to desire more than what you can just get.

Tim Pecoraro (: 06:45

I want you to know how to do that. I want you to challenge that, right? So in order to do that, you have to get to this spot where you say, well, what do I want? No different than if you get all things considered, everything you want. You know, I say all the time, one day you're going to open the door and the future is going to come in. And the question is, is, are you ready for the future that you say that you want? And a lot of people say, well, sure. Most people don't really think that deeply about the future that they want.

They're kind of just living life because most of the time we find ourselves running in this autopilot kind of way of just getting what we can get now. And I'm not talking about again, being content because I understand, you know, contentment is important and we need to know. And I'm not talking about just endless pursuits of stuff and more. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the want that desire inside that depth.

that desire that's healthy, it's not tied to just a selfish place, but it's something no different than your body and it needs fuel to eat. So there's a hunger for it. And then as you learn to feed that or to satisfy that hunger with food, then you wanna look at the quality of the food. And then once the quality of the food, you know.

what's good for you and what's not, hopefully, as you're learning. I mean, that's the ideal way that we should be doing it. And then from there, what's more or less? What slows us down? What speeds us up? What makes us healthy? What keeps us unhealthy? Like you have to get down. So then you decide and you get into developing an appetite for things. And so you can even develop an appetite for the wrong things, right? And so then what you'll do is you then you'll eat.

When you have no control over that and you let your hunger be whatever and you don't pay attention to how you eat and what it does to your body. You eventually when you get into points where you're hungry and you have no discipline and you have no idea you will live your life with a diet that basically says I will eat what I can get instead of what do I want that's tied to something meaningful or with purpose. Right. So let me help you do that. Let's look at that.

Tim Pecoraro (: 08:51

Wanting more than what you can just get right? I want you to want more and I want you to be able to Understand that you can you can have more than what you can just get I believe and this is me again as a believer I believe that God didn't put me on this earth to just get what I can get I believe that he desires for people all people to have a life that is amazing and

and abundant and full. And for me, that comes through that relationship that I have with God, but also in through my belief in His Son, Jesus Christ. But for me, that is where that is. That is how I get to that area of the desires of my heart. I can't speak for how you get there. Now, I can tell you for me, I've tried a lot of things. That is the route and the path. And that is the answer. And that is what I work on. And I try to work on daily, every single day.

to get better at doing that. As I want to be better as being human, I want to be better in my walk with who I believe created me and us. So as I am doing that and figuring out what I want, I make sure it's in aligned with that, right? So it's in alignment. So what is your alignment? What is your spiritual belief? And there's not one, you need to understand that it's going to be hard to be aligned if you don't have that. But if you just want to push that aside and say, I don't believe I need to have a spiritual belief. Okay, that's great. So then what do you believe? What do you want?

All your toil, all your effort, everything that you're doing day to day, what is it for? What do you want? And that's what we want to get to. And I want you to consider what are you asking for? So when you say, this is what I want and you were to go request it, what is it that you say that you would be asking for? What is your request? What are the terms of that request? So what did you say that you want? Right? So if we just use business, this is a simple thing. You want to start a business and you want that business say you want to start a coaching business.

And so you want to do, and that's what I do. I'm a coach, right? And so I don't call up people and tell them what they need to do with their life. What I do is I listen to people, I ask them questions and I help them find their way with what they already have in them by asking more questions that get them to challenge the things that they're thinking, doing, saying, acting upon and whatever. But they're the expert in their own life. They live in it every day. And my job is just to ask those questions.

Tim Pecoraro (: 11:16

So I'll just say as a coach, when I started that coaching business, I had to ask some questions. I had to know what was the request. If I could start the business, if I went to someone and said, would you loan me the money? If I went with someone, would you help me to do it? Whatever the request is, what do I want? That is the thing. What is my want? What's the goal? What do I want? What are the terms? What's the risk? So if I'm gonna look at what I want, not just what I can get, see, when I think about what I can get,

I don't really think about it. If I know someone has it and it's kind of readily available and it doesn't, I mean, you know, it's just available. I don't feel much stress or pressure on me just getting it. Now in the beginning stages of a business, if I'm just starting out as a coach and someone says, hey, hey, there's this opportunity over here. We can't pay you. Let's say it's a not for profit. And so what we would like you to do is would you dedicate some time weekly and you could develop yourself. Would you be willing to, because it's what you want, would you be willing to coach these kids?

Over here. Huh. So would I be willing to do that? Yes. Would you be willing to do that? Those are the terms and I have to do it weekly. Yes. For the terms, right. Do I get any help? No, you do it by yourself, right? These are questions I'd ask myself. And what are the possible outcomes? What would I be hoping for by doing this thing that I want that I would have to do for free? My hope would be that I'd get really good at it and then ultimately.

people maybe will refer me as I'm building something. Now that's just the way that I could get going. That's me getting business that I can get instead of the business that I want. Because that could be the means to ultimately that end. But what am I doing? I'm also gonna get better. So that's just me kinda really just quickly throwing it out there the way that I would think about it. But what I really wanna do is I wanna say when you're moving from what you can get to what you want, I'm gonna give you these five things to consider.

And then I want to show you the difference between a person who does life only, you know, trying to do the things that based on what they can get, and then those that are going into every day and everything they do based on what it is that they want or desire. Okay. So when you want to be a person who moves from, you know, moving from what you can get to what you want, here are the things that I want you to consider. Number one is you need to ask yourself, am I truly hungry for this thing? Like coaching.

Tim Pecoraro (: 13:42

Am I truly hungry? Do I do I truly have a desire for this? Am I really passionate about this? Am I on fire for it? Could I talk all day about it? Could I write all day about it? Could I think all day about it? Could I share it with people all day? Can I wait? I mean, can I not stand it that I'm away from it? Do I desire for it? Am I daydreaming about it? Like that's where you are. Now I want I need to stop for a moment and I need to say something here. This is I'm talking healthy things.

I'm not talking about being distracted. I'm not talking about being pulled from responsibilities. I'm not talking about, you know, all these things that would like take us off the mark of being a person who is grounded and focused and a person who, you know, is adventurous, but doesn't do adventure at the risk or the peril of others or sacrificing the wellbeing of someone else or other responsibilities, right? I'm talking about healthy. So am I truly hungry for it is number one. Do I have a desire and a passion for it?

Number two, the second thing is, am I willing to pursue or take action? In other words, I want to be specific. What are the actions to? So for instance, if I'm starting that company, that's going to be a coaching company, but I have no clients yet and I don't have any, I just, I've had jobs and people said, you know, Tim's a great coach or whatever, but I just say, I'm making a complete vocation change and I want to, and I see all these people saying, you can be an online coach and all this stuff and but I need something. I got to get.

gotta get started. I wanna get good first. So that's when, guess what? I get to get put into this situation where I can now go possibly if I'm hungry and I desire it, and then they say, am I willing to take action? Will you do this weekly coaching thing where you won't get paid? And then I can say, okay, yeah, I'm willing to do that. So then the next question I ask myself or the thing I need to consider is, am I willing to invest 100 %? That's the cost.

In other words, if I say that I'm going to give two hours weekly for the next six months at no charge, am I going to give 100 % of myself for those two hours weekly? Because that is the thing. Is that the exchange? Am I willing to do that? Right? And so that's the other question. This is how I know when moving from these are the things I have to consider if I want to move from what I can get to what I want.

Tim Pecoraro (: 16:02

And so then after I asked that question about that cost, so the first question I asked, right, am I truly hungry for it? That's the desire. Do I have a desire for it? Second one is, am I willing to pursue or take action? That is the specificity of the thing I'm going to do. That's the take action question, right? The third is the cost question, will I invest? 100, not 80, not 60, 100.

And then the fourth one is will I commit? Am I truly going to commit to this? In other words, commitment means I prioritize it and it's accountable. Right? So if I prioritize it for me, a commitment means it's prioritized, meaning it's on my schedule to be done and it's accountable. So if you really want to know, do you truly have a commitment is that you have one that is on your calendar and scheduled and you have accountability with it.

So find out, you sort that out. And why do you want the accountability? Why do you think that's important? Because we're not good accountability partners for ourselves. We need somebody else, because we'll lie to ourselves in a heartbeat. And you can say, I've always held myself accountable. I'm a self -made person. Awesome. That's you and a fraction and a small number of people. And so you can sound that mountain of bliss. But for the rest of us that walk on this earth every day that realize we have these shortcomings, you know that we're not there yet.

I'm going to go ahead and say, I want a commitment that is evidenced by how it's prioritized on my schedule to be done. And it's accountable where someone can help me with my blind spots. And then the fifth thing to consider is, is it bigger than me? You know, because it's an expansive question. Can it expand and multiply beyond me? Can it add value to someone else? So the five things to consider are, am I truly hungry for it? A desire and a passion?

Am I willing to pursue it, take action with being specific and as specific as possible. The third, will I invest? In other words, that's my cost. Will I put a hundred in it? And then the fourth to consider is will I commit, prioritize it with accountability, right? I want it to be prioritized and accountable for my blind spots as well. And then the fifth one, is it bigger than me? I mean, is it really bigger than me? Do I need others?

Tim Pecoraro (: 18:24

So that it can expand, can it multiply? Because ultimately, that's what I want. That's what I want. And so if I know that those are the five things to consider, there's a reason. It's because I wanna make sure that I'm a person who can move from just what I can get to what I want. And here's how you'll know the difference. You'll know, and I'm gonna give you this as a little...

Here's when you want to make the move from what you can get to what you want. You'll know you're there when are you ready? When you understand the difference when it's no longer, you're, you're no longer on the side of what I can get and you've moved to what I want. When it's not when, when it's, when you no longer focus on.

or you depend on what others have to offer you. You've moved from what I can get when you stop depending on what others have to offer. And now you move to what I want and that's dependent now on what you have to offer. You move from what I can get when you're not dependent on a perceived value, trying to get or trick people or hoping they see the value, that it's perceived as certain.

But instead, you move from what I can get to what I want, which is dependent on your intrinsic value and worth that you understand and know about yourself and you're willing to share it. So you move from what I can get to what I want when I'm dependent on intrinsic value and worth. You move from what I can get when, because you no longer are allowing your vision to be derailed. And you move to what I want when you.

your actions or the thing you desire is tied to your vision. You move from what you can get. And when you do that, you're tired of being drained with your energy. And you'll notice because you, you stop just going for what you can get. You begin to be energized, which is the opposite. You'll move from what you can get to what you want. And you will be energized and ignited. You'll move when you move from what you can get.

Tim Pecoraro (: 20:39

Okay, you will no longer be feeding on instant gratification, instant or the temporary things. But instead you move to what I want, which is you start beginning to think about the long term and you think about shelf life, things that have value and can be like gone back to again and repurposed and used again with value. When you move from what you can just get, okay, it doesn't...

It doesn't promote quality or excellence when you're just into the what you can get mode. But when you move from that, you move into prioritizing quality and excellence. So when you're a person that's only into what you can get, you just say, okay, I'll take what I can get. It's good enough. And that's so, so, you know, whatever quality and excellence there's, you know, whatever. But when you, when you move to what you want, you're going to elevate that. You're going to prioritize quality and excellence.

When you move from what you can get, okay, you're that person, sorry, when you stay with what you can just get, you ready? You're a person who will sacrifice your own values for it. When it's just what you can get, you will abandon your values. But when you move from that to what you want, you will stay true to your values and you will work for things to be through promotion and earning. It'll be very different. You will want to move up based on merits.

And when you're a person who only can operate with what you can get, you're gonna use people. You're gonna use them for whatever you need. But when you move from what you can get to what you want, you're gonna collaborate with people so you can do greater things. Now I don't know how you feel about that, but.

I think that's pretty good. I feel like if I can move from what I can get to what I want, it's gonna make a big difference in my life. And I can say it has, and it's something I've been doing. I've been working on it for a while.

Tim Pecoraro (: 22:47

And I'm still working at it. I'm working on it. And I want you to, to really ponder and ask yourself those questions that I'm putting out there for you. Do you have a hunger for it? Is it healthy? What's your desire and your passion? Are you willing to pursue it and engage it? Are you willing to invest at 100, counting that cost? Will you commit to it? Demonstrated by prioritizing and having accountability with stakeholders.

And then lastly, like make it bigger than you because it adds value and it expands. Just think about that. Put it to work in your life. Move away from just getting what you can get and step toward what you want. I know you can do it. I appreciate you listening. Thank you for subscribing and until next time, we'll talk soon.