Tim Pecoraro [: 00:00:21

Welcome to Blank Pages, the podcast. A podcast for people who appreciate the new beginnings of a clean slate, but strive for the courage, willingness, and curiosity available only on the blank pages of new possibilities. It's the potential to move beyond, move forward, where people are willing to make new decisions from fresh perspectives and are ready to write in a much better way. The world is waiting, and nothing listens better than a blank piece of paper. So hey, hey, and welcome to the show. I'm your host, Tim Pecoraro, and I'm so glad that you're with me today. I'm pretty fired up. I had a great, great time last night with the members of my new community that I'm launching, and they're the ones helping me to do all of my proof of concept and to build.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:01:12

I just think what's going to be an amazing community. And hey, it is so great to just be around great individuals that they're very talented, very gifted. They have so much to offer and they totally add value to anybody who is connected to or with them. Hey, I'm so pumped to be with you today because I'm going to be talking about a topic that is very important, I think, and we need more of this. And that is the whole idea of your inner circle and what that looks like. So I'm not sure if this will be two parts or just one part, but I just definitely feel like it's an important conversation to have. I've enjoyed talking about service and needing to serve more, but in this, just looking at relationships and the relationships that we have, I just kind of want to go a little deeper into that and just, just talk about the importance of that inner circle and the people that you're doing life with. So I.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:02:15

Before we get going, I want to make sure that you are hopefully subscribed to the show following the show, you can do so if you're listening right now. If you're on Apple, Spotify or Apple Podcasts or Spotify podcasts, if you're on Amazon Music right now, substack listening right now on Audible or odyssey right now, just follow the show like the show. I would love for you to subscribe on the regular so you will be notified whenever a new episode comes out. Which comes out every Tuesday. So new episodes come out on Tuesdays. I tried to make sure that it came out in the morning, but, you know, sometimes I just may change my mind and I want to put something else out, so I just kind of go in the flow. But you can count on getting it out on Tuesdays. So yeah, that's that.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:02:59

Also, subscribe to the newsletter if you can. The newsletter is growing and that is where I'm going to be talking about this community coming up, where there is going to be a big push, where people are going to be invited in. I'm going to probably do something to let you kind of experience what we do in the community to talk about it. And that will be something I'll do maybe on LinkedIn. I may do it in Instagram, I'm not sure, could be on x, but no matter what, I will put something out for those of you who are interested. But the only way you're going to find out about it is you need to follow. So go to my Instagram impeccararo and go into the bio link, click on there and you will see a way join the newsletter. And then once you join the newsletter, I promise you, you will not be bombarded with, you know, messages constantly trying to peddle and peddle things to you, sell things to you.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:03:53

No, I'm just going to share with you the stuff that I have going on and invite you into things that I may be doing. Yeah, that's it. And hopefully it will be useful and good and add value to your life. So, yeah, I just can't talk enough about this community is coming up. So I'm. Rather than try to get into it, I'm just going to leave it right there for now and get into today's episode. Oh, before I do that, you can see on my head, it's the. These are the new hats that I'm working on.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:04:21

So this is the prototype if you're looking on video. And these are the blank pages hats. So I'm going to be making these available that if you like the show and you want to get a hat. Hey, blank pages is something that will hopefully remind you that even if you don't listen to the podcast all the time, that nothing listens better than a blank piece of paper, that you are the one on writing your story. You were the one that's getting the new opportunities to put your creativity on paper, new ideas, fresh perspectives, and yeah, man, write in a much better way. Stop being a character in someone else's story and be the protagonist in your own. All right, so this topic today, building and maintaining a strong inner circle. So with this group I was talking about, one of the things that we covered in our session that we did, literally had.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:05:16

This was one of the elements in it. So we went over three different things and one of them was around inner circle. And we had some really good conversation around that inner circle. How do you make one, you know, deciding, you know, you know, how do you know you're avoiding from going into one because maybe you're afraid to go into it, or do you fit? Is it the right circle for you? The right inner circle? So there's so much to be said about this and there's so many different ideas, and I don't believe that I have a monopoly on it. I don't think I know all the answers or have all the answers as to the best way to do it, but I can use or tell you about mine. So, for instance, I have in my inner circle and I'll just say six to eight key people. Some of them are 30 plus year relationships and others are as new as three years. But in that inner circle, there are people that I know I like and I trust.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:06:07

There are people that have things in their life that I want to see in my life. I want to be next to those people. I want to be able to receive from them, I want to walk with them. And then also there are things that I know that I can add value into their life. So before I ever get started on anything, I want you to answer something, which I'll do a topic on this eventually. But, you know, you want to be a person that is not just one that you people can say, oh, you know this. Tim's a leaner. He leans on everybody.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:06:40

You know, or if your name is Fred or Sally, whatever. You lean on people. You know, people. There's enough people that lean on people all the time. They lean, always leaning on you. What we need are people that lift lifters, people that lift you up, people that are there that can, can help bear a burden, who can help shoulder responsibility, who can help carry the load. Right? That's what we're looking for. And at least that's what I'm saying.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:07:07

And I want you to think about those six to eight people that are in your life and who you talk to the most, and that is who you're becoming like, the more you have these conversations with people. So if they're a negative person and that's what they do, then you're going to become more negative. If they're skeptical, pessimistic, you could say, well, Tim, I'm just a realist. Well, great. If your realist makes you so negative and pessimistic that I'm just going to tell you right now, it's not going to help you see the world. Well, it's just going to help you see the world the way that you're going to see it, which is in a negative light. So you won't see the best of the world. What you're going to see is the stuff that only you want to see.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:07:40

And trust me, I would take optimism over negativity any day. I'll take positivity over skepticism and cynicism any day. And of course, you can be the person if you want, that says, hey, it's a glass half full. Awesome. And you can do life that way. I know a lot of people. I've heard them say this. I've heard some people say this to me and I've heard a lot of people say otherwise.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:08:06

But I've heard people say this to me, me, where they say, I don't want to be too optimistic, I don't want to build myself up too much. I don't want to be too positive because it just when you're, when it doesn't work out, you're disappointed, man, that is a terrible way to do life. It may work for you, but that's not a good way for you to do life. And what's going to happen is you're going to never be able to see the best in other people because you're already going to predetermine that. You're going to see them like glass half full. That's the way it's going to be. You're going to do life that way and you're not going to believe the best in people. So I digress.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:08:40

Let me come back to what I'm going to talk about. I'm going to discuss this topic and it's crucial for me, it's crucial for your personal and professional success as well, for you and for me in building and cultivating a strong inner circle. So let's start with a simple question. What is an inner circle? Okay. Well, an inner circle is a small group of trusted individuals who support, who challenge and who inspire you. That's it. That's the way I look at it. They support, they challenge and they inspire you.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:09:12

They're people you turn to for advice, wisdom, encouragement. And here you ready? Honest feedback. Like real honest feedback. Like it's. They care for you, but they give you the candor. They call you on your bull. Okay, so let me give you this little scenario and I'm just going to give you a scenario that I have. And this is, this is just made up.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:09:39

Okay? But let's just talk. Call her Sarah. Sarah's a young entrepreneur, and she's facing a critical decision around, say, she's got a startup business. So she turns to her inner circle. Now, this is the key. She turns to her inner circle. So here's what Sarah says. Hey, to her inner circle.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:09:58

I'm not sure that I should take this investment, this investment opportunity, investment offer, and it's a lot of money, but I'm worried about losing control of my company. So let's just say she's got someone in there, Mark, who's one of these trusted people in her group. And Mark operates a little bit like a mentor in her group, in her inner circle. And he says, you know, sarah, that's a valid concern. And so what he says is, let's. Let's look at the, let's look at the pros and the cons. So then there's Emily. Emily is a fellow entrepreneur.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:10:35

Okay? So Emily says to Sarah, I faced a similar situation last year, and here's what I learned. And so then David, let's just say David's really good with money, right? We're seeing different types of people in this inner circle. So he's really good with money. He says, have you considered alternative funding options? I can help you explore those. So, basically, I'm just giving you this picture to help illustrate the power of a diverse, supportive inner circle. Now, when I talk about the people that are in my inner circle, I have people that I admire them for their friendship and how, well, how an amazing friend they are and how loyal they are. There are people who are great with their money. There are people that are great with their business.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:11:25

There are people that are very good with navigating difficult things so that in my group of people, I can turn to for real specific things that I admire in them, and they're things that I want in my own life as well. But how do you build a circle like that? I mean, that's really the big key. Most people are like, how do I make this circle? There are so many people now. I'm in my fifties, and there are people that I know that are in their fifties, and they don't have a great inner circle now. They have friends. They have what they call their rider dies. But most of the time, there's riding, and there's a lot of dying. There's no living, there's no thriving.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:12:06

They're just all just taking rides. I see them in the same cycle of same thing over and over again, and nothing is changing in their life. And I always want to say to them, look at your inner circle. Now, of course, you know. Well, Tim, if you know them, are you in their inner circle? Not necessarily. I may be in their outer circle because most of the people that I do life with, if I'm walking alongside them, I'm going to provoke and challenge them to go to the next level of the thing that they want to do. So most people that I am that closely related to on the regular are moving forward. They want to move forward.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:12:42

They're making decisions to do so. So how do you do it? Step one, identify key qualities. Okay, so, you know, you got to know what you're looking for. What would be for this potential inner circle? Right. What do you look for in these members, and who are these people? What are you going to look for in these people? So I'm going to give you the top five qualities that I think you should look for. And they are. The first one is trustworthiness. So these are people who can keep confidences and they have your best interest at heart.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:13:19

In other words, they're not going to burn you when you turn around. They're not going to tell every little thing that you don't do perfect. They're going to hold your confidence. They're going to be people who protect and who care for you like that. Now, if you're out there committing crimes, you know, no, they're not going to sit there and, you know, go down with the ship. Hopefully they're going to say, you know, you're committing crimes and you have a problem. But these are people who can keep your confidence. They keep confidences.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:13:47

That's trustworthy. The second one is positivity. Okay, back to that. I don't want to be around negative people. I just do not have time to sit around people who are going to be negative. Now, don't say, well, I'm a realist. No, realist doesn't mean you're negative. You can be real and point out things that aren't working.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:14:05

But the question is, are you really good? Do you operate at the lowest gift of a human being, which is to point out a problem, or are you the person who. Yes, you're gifting, as you can see, a problem, but then you raise your quality as a human and you help work on being part of the solution. Right. The lowest gift of a human is to find a problem. The highest gift is to be a part of the solution. So I want positivity. Those who bring optimism and encouragement to that relationship. The third is complementary strengths, individuals with skills and talents that complement your own.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:14:41

You want to know that you're with people that, you know, you can, you can play at a certain level with. If you're a ball player, you want people that can actually play at a certain level so that you can participate and have fun and be in a great game. You know, I'm not going to spend my time with a lot of people who are not going to operate at a higher level or not challenge themselves to operate at a higher level because it's. It's too difficult. You want to be with people that have some complementary strengths, strengths that complement yours. So maybe I'm a good three point shooter and they're very good on the inside. Together, we make a pretty good pairing to play. You know, if we're going to have a trio and if we get a person that's really good at rebounding.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:15:24

So outside shooting, we got a person who's very good on the inside and we got a great rebounder. We can do three v three and we can enjoy the game. Well, it's the same thing with life. What are you doing? Who are the people that you're paired with, and how do you compliment with your strengths? The fourth is shared values. You wanna look for people who align with your core beliefs and principles. You don't wanna be misaligned. Let me tell you, the biggest problem when you see it is people that are. They're just misaligned and they're unequally yoked.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:15:54

I've tried it before. I've tried to operate with people, even in business. I've tried to work with people who. You try to find a way to work when it comes to certain values. But there are some things you just can't look past. You just cannot look past the fact that you're not in alignment with your values. I'll have to do something on that later. Just what does that look like? Mismatched values.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:16:20

And then the fifth is a growth mindset. I believe it's important for you to have people that they're committed to personal development. Like, they prioritize personal development and continuous learning. They're not going to just camp out on what they already know and say, this is good enough. They're going to say, I can still continue to learn. I can get better. I'm going to get better at being human. I'm going to improve.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:16:45

And the more. Here's the thing, the better you think you are, there's a. There's a high probability that the success you think you're having and how good you are is camouflaging a lot of things that are inevitably wrong and that are hidden in there that you don't see. And those things are called blind spots. And good inner circle people who have a growth mindset, who are growing with you and committed to personal development and continuous learning are going to be the ones willing to tell you the truth and point those out. Okay, so these are the qualities you're looking for in an individual that you're saying, okay, who could be in my group trustworthy. They need to be positive, they need to have complementary strengths, they need to have a shared value, and they need to have a growth mindset. That's a great start.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:17:29

So that's step one. Step two, though, is you need to cultivate relationships. So once you've identified potential members and you might say, well, how do I do that? Tim, if you see that, if you see a person with any of those qualities, that's when you go and you approach them and say, hey, look, I'm trying to build better connections, better relationships. I need people in my life. I want people that I can do life with that have these qualities and these attributes, and I see them in you. Can we explore that further? That's basically a up close personal invitation. Right? I want to ask them. So once you, once you get through step one, step two is cultivate relationships.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:18:06

And when you identify those members, it's time to nurture them. And here's how you do it. Okay, there's five things I'm going to give you. The first one is you got to be intentional about it. You got to be very intentional. Carefully select the individuals who meet your criteria for that strong inner circle. You want to be very careful. So when you come to them, I, you know, they meet the criteria, and I'm going to carefully select them.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:18:29

I'm going to be very thoughtful about it and intentional. The second is invest time. You want to spend some quality time with the potential inner circle members in order to strengthen bonds. So do some things together. Talk about some stuff. If it's around business, talk about entrepreneurial things that you think about. If you like, if you're. If you're musicians, talk about music you like, talk about influence of music, things like that.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:18:54

Whatever it is, find something common and talk about it so that you can strengthen your bonds. The third is communicate openly. So encourage frank discussions and provide constructive feedback. You want people that you can just say, look, we're gonna, you know, hey, share with me what you think about what it means to value people. Fred. And so Fred does that, and then and then I do the same for Fred. And then we give each other constructive feedback. We talk about that.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:19:26

We talk about how to maybe raise the bar on caring better. We talk about what does it mean to serve people? What does it really mean to give people? What does it really mean to forgive people? What does it mean to really come alongside people? What does it mean to like give the benefit of the doubt, like get into real, real things, have real conversation about it. And then the fourth is show support. You know, offer help, celebrate success together, show that you're behind them. Like cheer them on, shoot a text. Hey, Fred, how'd that thing go that you said that you were going to do? Did it go well? Tell me about it. Oh, yeah. Awesome.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:20:04

Or what can I do to help you next time to make it go better? And then the fifth is active listening. Ah, this is a big one. It, this is not active listening. 1 second. Let me get my, let me get a phone out. Uh huh. Yeah, this is what people do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:20:22

So I was talking to Bob and. Yeah, what'd you say? I mean that's what people are like. Instead of going, hold on a minute, let me, let me put this down or. 1 second, Fred, I'm going to finish this thing now. Put it down. Okay. Just be an active listener, pay attention. And so that way you can offer thoughtful responses and you can build a deeper connection.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:20:47

Because here's the thing, you are not going to have a very good inner circle if you have, if you fail to connect, okay, your inner circle is probably going to. Majority. Majority. I don't even know the word. The prerequisite for a great inner circle is going to be your ability to connect effectively. If you can't connect effectively with people, you're not going to have a very good inner circle. So proactive listening. So how do you cultivate relationship, be intentional, invest time, communicate openly, show support and practice active listening.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:21:27

So here's, here's a way to demonstrate that. So check this out. I go, I say, hey, Alex, I really admire your problem solving skills. Would you be open to grabbing some coffee with me next week? I'd love to pick your brain about a challenge I'm facing. Alex says, absolutely, tim, I'd be happy to help. How about Tuesday at three? Perfect. Looking forward to our chat. Right.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:21:48

It's that simple. But that interaction shows the intentionality, investment of time and real open communication. I'm leaving it open. So that is a simple way to step into this. Now, step three. Right. So step one, identify the key quality step two, cultivate relationships. Now, step three, maintain some boundaries.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:22:13

Oh, boy. So, as you build your inner circle, it's crucial to establish and respect boundaries. So here's how you do that. Simple three things. Number one, you want to set clear expectations, communicate your needs, preferences, and limitations, and hear theirs. That's the way it is. That simple, clear expectations. Set them, communicate needs, preferences, and limitations.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:22:38

The second is respect other each other's boundaries. Expect the respect the other person's boundaries. Honor the personal and professional limits of the inner circle members. Just because they're in the inner circle doesn't mean that you roll all up in everything that they're doing. You still want to respect people. Boundaries are there. It's very important. Now, boundaries, I don't set them on people, but I have mine.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:23:02

And I let people know what they are, whether they want to trample on them or not, that's their decision. But I'm. But I will withdraw from people who disrespect and step over boundaries. I'll just pull back because I'm not gonna. There. It's my boundary that I set. I'm not gonna set a boundary on another person. I'm setting the boundary or the limit for myself.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:23:23

The third is be selective. Carefully curate your inner circle, ensuring each relationship is positive and beneficial. This is how you maintain boundaries, setting clear expectations. Secondly. Secondly, respecting others boundaries. And then third, you're very selective. Again, back to that, selective. Who are these people? Okay, step four, you want to foster the growth.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:23:48

You want to really get into. You know, a strong inner circle should challenge and inspire growth. And I can't stress this enough. If the people are not sharpening you, if the people are not helping you to get stronger and better, I don't know that you have a good inner circle. If you're not improving from the people around you and the people that you call your inner circle, the people you do every day with, that you talk to. And if you're not getting better, you might want to look at those that circle and the people you're picking. You might want to think maybe they're good and maybe you're not bringing anything. But that would make me also say, if your circle is that good, why are people not calling you out? A good inner circle will challenge you and go, hey, step it up.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:24:36

You're. You're. You're dragging us down. That's what great athletes do. They tell their team, look, let's go. Do your job. Let's go. They're not trying to do your job.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:24:46

They're trying to do their job and they're telling you we're not, we're not going to do well as a team. If you don't do your job. I'm doing mine. I need you to do yours. There's more in you. Let's get to it. What's wrong? What do you need? How can I help? That's what you're looking for. So check this out.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:25:04

Say I go to her, she's in my inner circle. I say, hey, Lisa, I noticed you've made great strides in your public speaking. Any tips for someone looking to improve? Lisa says, absolutely. I'd be happy to share what worked for me. Why don't we set a mock presentation session next week? So this, once again, is just showing this, this, this idea of support, right? You want to foster growth. So in that scenario, here's what you're seeing. Number one, encourage personal development, right? You're seeing an encouragement to grow, support each other's goals and aspirations. So you want to foster growth by encouraging personal development, support each other's goals and aspirations.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:25:48

The second is challenge one another, provide constructive criticism and push beyond the comfort zones. You want to push back. You want to say, look, you're comfortable. That's where you're good. But you're not going to become better until you push, until you stretch. You don't get a bigger muscle unless you really put the muscle through the ringer. So you want to challenge each other. And then the third is you want to share knowledge and resources.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:26:17

So in step four, you want to foster growth by encouragement, personal development. Two, challenge each other. And three, share knowledge and resources. Offer your expertise and connection to help other people grow. Right. And so then when, when I see Lisa doing her great speak, speaking and doing everything, and I say, hey, look, I want to get better. She says, sure, you want to get together, we'll have a session and we'll do a mock session and I'll push you. I love it.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:26:45

That's the way we got to do it. And then step five is nurture the circle. And this is so important. Nurture it. You want to maintain your inner circle, and it's going to require you to have an ongoing effort of nurturing. You have to be intentional about this. And so there are four simple things. Number one, regularly check in with your folks.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:27:06

Stay connected through consistent communication. The second, try to do something with them, host something, pull them together, organize a gathering to strengthen that bond and potentially expand your circle. Like have a mastermind, like say to your friends, hey, gather that unique group of people and say, hey, Larry's got a thing going on, or Alex or Lisa. And we were going to get together and we're going to all bring our expertise and our complementary strengths to help them accomplish their goal. Then third is show appreciation. You want to express gratitude. This is how you really nurture the circle. Show that your support and that you express the gratitude for the support and value those people that are giving you that support, put that value on them.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:27:54

Say, thank you for not being a leaner. Thank you for not just leaning on me, but thank you for lifting. And then the fourth, address any conflicts, like don't sit around. If you listen, if they're in your inner circle, you should have trust. And a great way to find out if you trust is have some unfiltered conflict around your ideas is so you want to approach your disagreements with empathy and a willingness to find a solution. So address those conflicts. So to nurture the circle, regular check ins, host something, gather together a mastermind or something. Third is show appreciation.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:28:31

And fourth, address the conflicts. So, in wrapping this up, I just want to say, when I'm looking, remember I said trustworthy. And in the very beginning, you know, what kind of key qualities am I looking for? I just want to give you some more, but this is for me. For you. Who are you going to be in the inner circle? What type of person do you need to be for these folks? And this is so important. Okay. You want to be a valuable inner circle member, and I encourage you to strive to embody these qualities. I want you to embody, one, reliability, two, empathy.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:29:19

Three, positivity. Four, honesty. And five, loyalty. What is that again? What do you need? You need to be reliable, empathetic, positive, honest, and loyal. So remember, the strength of any inner circle often reflects on your own character and your values. So when you're building and maintaining this strong inner circle that you want, this is a journey. It's going to require your intentionality, your effort and consistency. But I can tell you this, by following these steps and embodying the qualities that that I've had in this conversation with you, I believe you can create a supportive network, community of people, friendships that will propel you toward your personal and professional success.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:30:18

I know you can do this as a reliable, empathetic, positive, honest, loyal person who wants to build an inner circle that makes a difference, one that's not one of leaning, but one of lifting. Thank you so much for your time. I know you got this, and I know you can do it. And until next time. We'll talk soon.