Communication: What Is Being Said?

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:00:13

Welcome to blank pages, the podcast. A podcast for people who appreciate the new beginnings of a clean slate, but strive for the courage, willingness, curiosity, and creativity available only on the blank pages of new possibilities. The potential to move beyond, to move forward, where people are willing to make new decisions from a fresh perspective and are ready to write in a much better way. So the world is waiting, and nothing will listen better than a blank piece of paper. So hello, and welcome to the show. I'm your host, Tim Pecoraro, and I'm glad that you were with me today as we move into episode 13, and I am continuing on with communication. Last episode was about credibility, like who says something. And in this week, I'm really pumped up about this topic because it's not only just who says something, but what is being my new kid's book that's coming out, Flit.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:01:22

It's a journey of this little bird named Flit, and I'm just so excited. So Flit learns to fly. It's a kid's book. I think it's really cool that my first book that I'll be putting out is a children's book. So pumped up, and I can't wait to have a copy in my hands and out into the world where, people can share that with their little loved ones, their little life learners that are up and coming. So this episode, just the communication, what is being communicated? It's it's what. And, and I just I I can't emphasize enough that, you know, words carry weight, words have value, or at least they should. We gotta we have to get better.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:02:00

We've gotta understand that communication is so important. So, obviously, who says things like people are gonna wanna know? Are you a credible individual? Can I trust you as a source? But then also when that is trust is extended, what about the information that's being communicated? What are you saying? And so for me, one of the things I'm always trying to do, obviously, I've been using a lot this hashtag, you know, better at being human, just trying to get better. So one of those areas is I wanna get better in how I communicate, and we make so many mistakes in our communication. We we yeah. There's so many things we can cover. But I wanna I don't wanna go in down that road. What I wanna do is just get into, just, mindsets or the understanding of the mindset of what is said and and what you're saying when you're communicating. That there's worth, there's value.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:02:49

It's very important. And, also, I am gonna do this, though. I'm gonna put together just a little tool that's gonna help you improve your communication if you'd like to. Ges a simple little step, things that you should always be thinking about on the regular as it relates to being a healthy communicator and an effective communicator. So that will be, in a resource that you'll be able to find in my go to Instagram at Tim Pecoraro. You go into the bio section, click on that link, and there'll be something in there that just shows where these useful tools or resources that I have available where you can get them. So but let's jump into this topic. So there are 3 key things that we'll look at as it relates to what is said.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:03:31

And and this is just because I just again, I I spend time as a coach, and one of the things that a good coach will or should be able to do, and I'm always learning once again to get better at being even a coach, is that you wanna ask questions. And those powerful questions that you ask should help to uncover, things for the individual that you're working with to be able to step into and work on to solve as a problem. You ask very clear and clarifying questions as a coach. That's your job is to continue to be a student and listen and and hear, but then as things are coming forward, you ask the questions. You're asking questions to continue to help those things unfold, to open up. One question leads to 2, 2 to 3, 3 to 4. Hopefully, it just continues to open it up enough to where they're able to gather up the information that, they're they're they're finding within themselves that that it's now the the light switch is there, it clicks on, you know, that that that latch clicks and things just start moving, traction starts happening, people make different decisions, and so that is a very unscientific way of saying, as a coach, you should ask questions. How does that feel? What's going on? What did you expect? What were you looking for? How did you hope that would turn out? Are there other ways? Like, these are the ways that coaches should learn to work.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:04:50

So, anyways, with that in mind, when it comes to the communication process, you know, if you really want to be better or to improve as a communicator, you know, there are are things that you must pay attention to. And so the to me, where I'm learning and seeing really, really good communicators, people that are just in everyday life, not not stars and celebrities and the best keynotes in the world, These are just everyday P, and that I know are very good at communicating at even different education levels. And it's because they communicate with these things in mind. It's a mindset that they have or these these these items I'm gonna share with you. And it's because they're they are very mindful of the fact that their words have weight. They can add value. They can take away. They can build.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:05:40

They can destroy. And and that's a whole another thing another day. But the first one, to be a really good communicator, I think it's about preparation. You have to have a mindset to be prepared. Now there are a lot of conversations that you may not be prepared for. Someone can catch you off guard. Right? So and I get that. And and there may be situations that someone says, hey.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:05:59

I need you to go stand in front of a room and and let people know. And by the way, this is not really good news that you gotta share with all these people, but you've got to you've got to be able to communicate. I need you to do it. You gotta go do this. Ready. Go. And and so that's hard. So, I I can't speak to all of those at this moment, but what I could do is say, when it comes to the things that you know you must do, when it comes to conversations that you need to have, when it's whether it's your boss, whether it's with your kids, your significant other spouse, whatever is going on in your life when it comes time to communicate, what's important is, I think, preparation.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:06:33

You've gotta you gotta think about it. You gotta prepare. And, in the preparation, I want you to understand that you cannot control everything. You do not have influence over everything. But, ultimately, you do need to come to a point where you accept. Right? So even in communication, that is a very, very real and true thing. So preparation mindset. That's what I want.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:06:57

I wanna communicate. I want this mindset of preparation in my communication. So the first thing when it comes to that preparation mindset or that mindset that just I'm prepared to communicate is you wanna first when you know you're gonna talk, you're looking for what is the possibility. So whatever the situation is, whatever the thing is, what is possible here? Why are you going to have this conversation with someone if you don't feel like something is possible? And so that's the way I look at it. I'm not gonna have just conversations just to give somebody a piece of my mind or just to tell somebody something just because I I believe that words should not be so disposable and throw away. They should be more important. So what I I wanna do is I wanna show possibility in my communication. What is it I want people to be able to see? What do I want them to be able to, like, to see? Like, what is visible? What is possible here? Then the next part of that is is is value.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:07:55

So not only what I what are the possibilities and what can be seen, but what is the value part of this thing in the communication? In other words, how is this gonna add to their life? What do I want them to know? And it's and so, yes, if someone's in error and you're going to them and you wanna talk to them and say, hey. Look. I wanna point this out because you're you know, it's an error. Right? Well, you can point that out, and I think that's great. But what's the possibility? What do you want them to see? And then how can you turn that into a more valuable thing? So you need to sit back and don't don't just say, well, I just have to have this conversation. I gotta bring this this correction here. I gotta tell this person what they did wrong. You know, that doesn't really speak of value.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:08:35

Once again, that gets back to just disposable. We're just too BL. Or well, the justification is, well, I don't have time for that. Well, you also don't have the luxury of time to not have time for it. Because you can't continue to not put value, not to show possibilities, to communicate without the possible, letting people, you know, you know, being clear on what you want them to see and showing them what's BL. And then what you want them to know, showing the value, not just what you need them to know, but what's the value of that. If you don't if you don't pay attention to that, you're gonna spend a whole lot of time, either if it's at work, you're gonna continue to rehire people. You have to hire more and more people.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:09:17

You're gonna burn through employees. If it's relationships, you're gonna burn through relationships. I mean, there's so many things that if you're not careful, you're gonna not like the results. So, yes, you don't have time or luxury to ignore them either. So if you wanna have a preparation mindset, it's possibilities. You gotta have possibilities. Number 1 is possibilities. What do you want them to see? What's possible? Number 2, right, it's the value part.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:09:42

What do you want people to know? But then the 3rd part is empowered. So now that you show the possibility and you give them the value, now what's the empowerment part? What do you want them to feel now? That they do they feel empowered, ready? Do they feel like you have fueled them to move forward? Right? What is it even if it's a course correcting thing, even if it's a hard conversation around something, because of the way you prepare yourself to communicate the possibility by showing them the value, you empower them to work on that hard and difficult thing. It feels different. It it it's more it has value to it again. Right? It has possibility. It's hard to deal with those things when, you know, no one likes to hear about ugly stuff. Right? But it's there. It's there for all of us.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:10:31

You know, you wake up and listen. Here's the thing. You could take a shower before you go to bed. You can, you know, do everything. You wash your face. You do all these things. When you wake up the next day, you're still whatever amount of hours sleep you got, you still shed skin. I mean, like, that must might sound a little gross.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:10:49

But, you know, you're sweating. Your body is still doing its function. You're gonna wake up. You're gonna need to brush your teeth. Right? You're you're gonna have bacteria in your mouth. Like, all these things, and and I know it sounds gross and whatever, but it the truth is is you're still having to, you know, things go backwards. Nothing is gonna remain perfect. You you have to feel like I can get up tomorrow, and I have toothpaste, and I have you know, there in other words, there's a possibility.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:11:17

There's value. I can still fix this. I can move forward. Right? So it's okay. But what do you want them to feel? Do they feel empowered? Does a person feel It's a new day. I can do this. But then also, to BL, to have that mindset, if you want them to see the pot what's possible, number 1. Number 2, you want them to experience that value, what don't you want them to know, this value part, and then this empowerment part, what you want them to feel.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:11:48

That's the third thing. And then that 4th part of it is apply and multiply. What do I want them to actually do with it now? How do I want them to apply this and multiply it? Right? Or how do I want us to do it if it's a relationship? However it is in all of your communication, you wanna be able to walk away knowing that this person can take what I've shared, and they can actually use this for good, and it can be multiplied for the better for someone else even. So, that's the first part of this communication, set preparation mindset. Now, the next part of communication, it's a big one for me. It's being a collaborative individual. So it's not remember, once again, it's we talk about credibility. It's who said it.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:12:30

That's a credibility question. But now what's being said? And so I want you to be more mindful, to be a really good communicator. I want you to to think about your preparation, but then I want you also be collaborative in it. I'm I'm encouraging you to to understand that all of us are operating from a different point of view, from different, and some people say lived experiences, and there's some people with their life experiences. And however you say it, I don't wanna argue with you over those. Those terms are not going to hurt anybody. The fact is is that you have an experience. It's yours.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:13:04

And so we need to people need to honor that, and equally so, we need to extend that honor to other people. And so, when it comes to a collaboration mindset, you here's some characteristics, it's there are 2 that I wanna point out. The first one is an open or growth mindset. It means that you are not just stuck with just what these limited abilities are and skills, and that you have a personality. And even though that's that is there, you have the ability through EQ to adapt your emotional intelligence, which can help you to have a growth mindset, which gives you an open mindset. But then it's not just an open mindset, but it's an also a options mindset To really be collaborative in in your communication, and you wanna be a good, communicator, you're gonna have to be open hearing other points of view. But then, even in the other points of view that there could be other options with it. And that's when we really can get into collaboration.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:14:10

And we can really share with P, even when they're not like us. Because it goes back to something I tell P, we fight way too much as people over our belief systems. And it's true that behavior follows belief. So and and and so people behave certain ways based on beliefs. Okay. Great. But when I wanna work together with some people, yes, alignment belief alignment is very, very, you know, it it can make or break things. But when I bring people in that are very different than me, and let's just say it's around the need to help people maybe get out of, poverty or to help people who, are insecure, people like myself who are multiethnic, multiracial.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:14:53

Okay? They're I'm very, I'm I'm I'd say I'm I'm ethnically ambiguous. But when when you want to help people who are very, very different or in a different spot or in a place where, you know, they're they're they're not like you, you can't get in there and argue with them over their belief systems. What you have to do is come in and find out what they value. So if I wanna work with different people on helping people like myself learn to show up in the room and and own who they are and and and learn to walk in that confidence and how to walk into a room understanding that they are what's missing and necessary. If I wanna help those folks, what I have to do and then I wanna bring other people around that are different, that come from different walks of life and everything to join together in a united front to help those folks. What we need to do is find out what we value about them. Now, of course, values come out of the beliefs, but beliefs can get so granular that we end up fighting and arguing. So what I'd prefer to do is have an open mindset with an options mindset, especially when it comes to collaborating with people so that I can do it better.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:16:01

And what's a good way for you also to collaborate? Let me give you this. It's it's always BL be willing to ask and also answer questions to move things forward and do them very honestly. Because the questions part, like I talked about coaching, remember, your question should consider what's in the past. Right? What's the patterns of the history? Your question should be considerate of the present. What are the current conditions? Right? What are the results up till now? What's the state of being right now? And then also your question should be futuristic. What do you wanna make better? What are you trying to improve upon? What connections need to be built? So in your collaborations, in that collaborative mindset, the open mindset with the options mindset, asking and answering questions with the considerations of the past, which is your patterns in history, the present, conditions that you're currently in, and the future. What do you wanna do better? Right? What's better? Right? And then to wrap this up, it's it's what is the what's in what's the content of your message? What's the, you know and we talked about credibility. That's the other part.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:17:08

So it's not just who says it, you know, are you competent? But when you now start speaking this information, that's content now. Like, right now, I'm on this podcast. Right? So in what I'm speaking, my goal is to hopefully present something, a content mindset, and it it it it demonstrates simple things like this. That I'm somewhat knowledgeable, hopefully. That I am, that's number 1. The knowledge part. That you're a student, you learn, you have knowledge. But then, the next part is taking that knowledge and then demonstrating that you have some understanding how pieces fit.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:17:45

That's a very important part for people to to walk with us and to even trust us. Even our credibility is built here, right, in this content. And understanding that we have knowledge, but we also need this your wisdom will demonstrate your knowledge and your understanding. So when people say, wow, that is a wise thing. That person is operating with wisdom. That now, it's very easy to understand that a person is a knowledgeable individual that has applied understanding with their learning. Right? And now they ultimately are doing things and there's wisdom that has been produced. Wisdom needs a tool to work with and that is understanding.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:18:27

Right? So knowledge, 1, 2, understanding, 3, wisdom. So with that in mind, I wanna give you a simple exercise, and this is how we're gonna wrap up. If you could have say, you know, Tim, I wanna be better at what is said. I wanna be better at what I say. I want to get I wanna be a person that literally comes in, I I can I I I'm prepared, and I wanna collaborate with people? But now it's that content part. I just wanna I wanna know that I'm that I have something there that is valuable, that does that can be multiplied, that a person would feel empowered with, that they would see possibilities. Well, here's what I would tell you to do. So what are you knowledgeable? So here's you're gonna do here's here's what you're gonna do.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:19:11

I want you to find between 5 to to to 6, 7, whatever. 8 things. Let's just pick anywhere between 5 to 8 things. Alright? Where there are subjects that you feel like you're either knowledgeable in, you're knowledgeable and you have some pretty solid understanding in, or and maybe it's there's wisdom. So it could be like, hey. Yeah. I have all 3 in 1. So if you write them all out so here's an example.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:19:38

You have say, you have 5 blank spaces. And then number 1 would be knowledge, 2 would be understanding, 3 would be wisdom. So you write down in those blank spaces a subject or something that you know that you are pretty knowledgeable about. That would be a one. You write the subject and then the number one next to it. Maybe you're knowledgeable and you have some understanding. So that would be the subject and then you put a number 2 with it. Right? Because you or you have 1 and 2, maybe.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:20:05

You have knowledge and you have understanding. And then maybe you have one that's threes, put 3 down. Right? Because it has understanding and knowledge, which is wisdom. You have all 3 in that one. So pick a subject to our topic and then give it a number. So now if you have knowledge in a topic, right, that's a subject that you want to be better at and being useful and helpful and showing possibilities and things like that, you write down what that subject is, You look at that number. So let's just say it's just knowledge, and let's just say it's around helping people, I don't know, improve their belief system. Whatever.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:20:39

So if that's what your topic is, grab that one. That's a big one. Right? So they you're reading about it and you're knowledgeable about it. Now you wanna get into the understanding part. So you need to say, okay. I need to get that lifted up. If I want to be a person who can speak around that intelligibly, be competent in it, as a credible person. Right? I wanna be able to go a little deeper into it and not just be knowledgeable, but then demonstrate the understanding.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:21:02

You do that over time and, ultimately, wisdom shows up with it. And now you're able to multiply that thing. Okay? So that's what you're looking at. Maybe it's better at, being a better parent. Right? So maybe you're you're you're knowledgeable and unders you have you're starting to get better at the understanding, but you really wanna get the wisdom of your parenting up. Right? These are just little tools that you can put to work. And not only are they things that you can work on to do, but there are ways that you can also communicate to add value and to help others. So you build your credibility by putting yourself in it, by you going first, you making changes.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:21:40

So that way, when who says it is you, what is being said, the content, not only is it credible because it's coming from you, a person who is a product of their product or who does what they are actually sharing, it will also demonstrate your knowledge, your understanding, and your wisdom. It's that simple. So take that and and put that to work around a subject. Also, apply the same technique to what do I wanna, you know, just, I'll work on for myself, right, in order to get my knowledge up or my understanding. So you might have to set some other things. I need to get better with content to get more BL. So how do you do that? Well, maybe I need to get out of my comfort zone and go sit with some people who, you know, go to some workshops or maybe listen to some things online and and some and get myself immersed into something that's going to be disruptive a little bit to my daily activities of, you know, of of of mediocrity or the sameness or less than where I wanna be that makes it to where I don't really have anything to talk about of value. We all have valuable things.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:22:50

We all everything listen. Each one of us are uniquely qualified to share amazing things in life with others. And to help others because of our lives. And who we are. Take that to heart. What is said? It's a preparation thing. It's a mindset of preparation. It's a mindset of collaboration.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:23:18

It's a mindset of really having that content, that knowledge, that understanding, and that wisdom. Take some time and work on this and and get better. Just get better at this communication thing. Listen, if you're not sure about what was the first episode on credibility. We'll go back one episode before this one and and listen to episode 12 around who says it, around communication. Who said it? It's a credibility question, and that's gonna help you with this one. We're gonna continue on with these for a couple more. And, I'm just so grateful that you take the time, to listen in.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:23:55

I hope that I can add value to your life. I hope that, I can encourage you. I hope I can speak inspirationally to your aspirations even. And as you learn and as you grow, please don't hesitate to share your results. Send me a message, post, tag me at Tim Pecoraro on Instagram, and keep getting better at being human. We can do this and your words matter. And they're all of you, everybody, their words matter. Now they're important.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:24:23

Now we may misuse our words. We may misdirect our words. But a person who really wants more and better real in out of life and relationship with other people will take these types of things to heart that I'm sharing right now ges to be in everyday life a better communicator that will while all the world is, you know, running on whether it's news and trying to direct people into whatever direction they want them to go, This is the life we can live down in underneath all that noise and just do this in a better way. We can do it. We have the ability in us. Don't miss the moment. Don't miss the opportunity. Work on it.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:25:06

Invite other people into it. And be the message. Be that incredible message that I know that you can be. I wanna thank you again for listening to this episode, and I look forward to the next time. Until then, we'll talk soon.