Communication: The Heart, Help, Hope, and Lightness in How We Connect

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:00:08

Welcome to Blank Pages, the podcast. A podcast for people who appreciate the new beginnings of a clean slate, but strive for the courage, willingness, curiosity, and creativity available only on the blank pages of new possibilities. The potential to move beyond, move forward, where people are willing to make new decisions from a fresh perspective and are ready to write in a much better way. The world is waiting, and nothing listens better than a blank piece of paper. Well, hello and welcome to the show. I'm your host, Tim Pecoraro, and I'm so glad that you can join me here today as we go into episode 14 and continuing to build on this topic of communication. And thanks for those of you who are joining in and listening. I really appreciate you and your time giving me a little bit of your time each week, and I hope this has been useful and helpful to you.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:01:04

And yeah, it's adding value to your life. For those of you who have been engaging with me on social media, the best place. For those who haven't yet, the best place to do so would be at Tim Pecoraro on Instagram. So at Tim Pecoro, and you will find me there. And if you go to the bio link in my Instagram account, you can find access to the newsletter, which I hope you'll sign up for. It is just this hub right now that will connect you to the future things that I'll be doing and podcast reviews, and I try to connect people to things that are going to help them out. So I'll put it in a newsletter and it's only going to come out to you once a month and you'll find out anything new and that's happening. And I will be engaging more and more in the future on social media.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:01:54

But to just make best use of this time, I don't want to prolong much. Oh, I will say that I am going to have some interviews coming up that I'm doing and we will be working in some video interviews as well. I'll take advantage of the YouTube platform a little bit more as we move along. But I'm so excited about that stuff. Anyways, let me jump into this and let me just kind of chill for a second. All right. So I want to get into know we talked about who said it, right? And hopefully that's the credibility question. And hopefully if you did listen to it, you understand it's not challenging anybody saying that you're not credible or whatever.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:02:38

You have to do things my way in order to be credible or say things my way to be credible. No, it's none of that. So I'm just trying to help with just basic communication stuff. So the first episode I put out, episode twelve regarding communication was just who said it? It was a credibility question and then went into 13. It's just what's being communicated. It's the what part of it, the message that's coming out. But now I want to get into this how part, like how it's said and communication, it's huge. And so many things are sunk, I believe daily because of poor communication or ineffective communication.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:03:15

And there's a ton of stuff you can find online guys, on communication. There's nothing new under the sun, basically. I do believe it's new when it engages us, when it engages you. It's new when we actually take the things that we say that we know. And it's kind of like a seed. I know where my seeds are, but until I put them into the earth, nothing's going to grow. They'll stay in that packet. Right.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:03:39

So a lot of the things that we say we know. That's the equivalent of having you want a garden and all the seeds are still in the bag in the garage. And I'm trying to bring things forward that are going to help people to go. I don't want anyone to feel insulted or whatever, and I don't want anyone to overcomplicate things in their life. What I want people to do is just to take the time to do the simple things to say, hey, I can make better use of the information that I know. I can take my knowledge, turn it into understanding, and then wisdom will have a tool to work with that's that understanding. And then I can find myself onto bigger and better things and seeing a much better probability for a better outcome because of my initial positioning and how I do things and how I look at my packet of seed that I know that I have that's sitting in the garage. So if I want the garden, I got to plant the seed.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:04:35

Now we can get into this how thing, how we're going to connect, right? Because how do people connect? What are the four levels that people connect with? There's the visual, there's the intellectual, there's emotional, and then there's verbal. Right. So I'm just going to cover those four things and then I'm going to get into the power four that I want you to say, all right, I can do this. So what everything everybody sees, what people see, that's your visual connection. So what are things that you should be considering when you're connecting? Right. If I understand how I connect. Well, you want to eliminate distractions, right? You may want to think about how you express. Maybe if you're an introverted person, maybe there's more ways you can express.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:05:20

Maybe learn some more ways to express. Maybe if you're an extrovert, you learn ways to express less because that's still communicating something. What if you show that there's a sense of value when you're communicating visually? People can see that you lean in when they're talking. Maybe you don't cross your arms, you don't fold up. This is all body language stuff. I know it's emotional intelligence stuff, but I'm doing this on the how. This is like how we're going to communicate and then also pay attention to what's going on around you visually. These are all visual things.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:05:53

Okay. Now what else will help is when you understand that what people understand, this is going to help with connecting, that this is the intellectual side. It's important for you to know. Remember we talked about if you want credibility, know your topic. So this is important. It's vital for you to not only just know your topic, but to know yourself, right? So if you know your topic and you don't pay attention to yourself, let's just say it's a political thing and you know your topic, it's in around some law and someone is misquoting a law. And now you bring politics and a law that someone's misquoting. And your enneagram is on the rules side of things and you're just right up on that.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:06:38

But you're not paying attention to yourself because you know yourself. But once again, you don't know yourself because you leave yourself in that packet of seeds instead of getting yourself in the garden and growing what's in yourself, like getting that to grow out. So because of it, you're not paying attention to it. And you get into that fiery topic of that conversation and maybe it heats up so much that things get broken. Like relationships get broken, things get hurt. And so don't just know the subject. It's equally vital that you know yourself. And when you want to be good at communication, you have to also just be okay with being you.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:07:14

You got to know that this is who you are and this is how you show up. It's okay to understand that there's only certain things. You don't have to have answers for everything because you just need to be cool with the fact that you know what you can do and you know what you can't do. And so what you want to do is look for that area that you feel the most comfortable at in there and stay in that space. So that's your connecting intellectually, right. But then when you connect with people, there's going to be this feeling side, right. So this is that emotional, right. First one is visual.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:07:47

Then you have this intellectual thing, now this emotional side of connecting. So that is like what's in you? If it's positive or negative, it doesn't matter. It's in you and it's going to come out. You have to understand, it's kind of like tough times. What happens in adversity is adversity will reveal who you truly are and not who you say that you are. So when you get squeezed, what comes out is your essence of self. What comes out is what you understand about emotional intelligence. What comes out is, and I'm not talking about circumstances where there's overwhelm and maybe someone is grieving or whatever, and I know things come out.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:08:29

I'm not talking about moderating everything down like that. I'm just talking about just being aware that when a person raises their voice slightly at you, that you don't just meet and mirror that behavior and just shoot out with it. You've got to get to that point where you are aware of yourself. You've got to know what's in your packet. And when adversity hits you, you have to understand that what's in me is actually going to come out. And if you don't pay attention to that, if you don't pay attention, it's going to manifest, it's going to come across, it's going to impact the way other people are going to react to you. People are going to hear the things that you say. But I'm going to tell you right now, they're going to feel your presence.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:09:18

They're going to feel when you walk in the room, they're going to feel if you have that negative bad attitude posture, or they're going to feel your vibe of good things. So it's either going to connect people and you're going to win them or it's going to cause people to go away from you. You're going to lose opportunity. Okay? And to be honest with you, your attitude is going to be everything. And the reality is your attitude will overpower anything that you say. Whatever your attitude is demonstrating will bypass, like, oh, I hear people all the time. Oh, I'm 1000% with you. And I'm like, first of all, no one needs 1000.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:09:57

You're a human, you can only do 100. Okay, now, there's something that could become the extra on top of that hundred, but it's still one person drawing from what's in that person's container. Even if it's influenced by external voices, it still has to rise up and come out of them. It has to be in them in order to come out of them. So even being all in, when people say that they're all in, it should be proven by an action. Okay, so also verbally. Right. It's what people are going to hear.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:10:31

They're going to connect with you. So we have that visual, we have the intellectual, emotional, now verbal. So what we say and how we say things, it's going to really have an impact on people. People are going to respond to the words that you use. We throw words around. I hear people talk about stuff and not understand what it means. Where I hear a lot of younger people using terms like I'm triggered, and it could be, and it's down to these tiny, tiny little things. And it's almost like taking away the impact or potency of what it really means to understand what a trigger is.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:11:06

Now, of course, a trigger can go all the way down to the slightest little tiny thing. I understand that. But when they're tossing it around and they're just making a part of vernacular and daily vocabulary now becomes a part of a slang, it's also minimizing the impact of those people who are really dealing with something. So words matter and words carry weight, and we got to get back to reclaiming our words. We're too busy looking for new things to say as well. Right. And trying to say new. It's almost like we're bored with saying the thing that means, the thing that we need to say.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:11:39

So we feel like it's. No, it's a better way for me to say it. No, it's just another way for us, typically, to maybe convince people of something that we believe. I just believe there's so many simple things around us. If we would grab a hold of them and stick to them, we could put them to use. We could use them better. So the words you speak, the words you choose to use, the way you say it, for instance, hey, you have a very, very bad attitude. And we just talked about how attitude is so important.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:12:07

Or I could say this, hey, can we talk? Lately, your disposition, it's different, right? So that is going to get a different response. Like, what word choice are you using? What are you saying? Now, once again, that is, if your goal is to see things improve or get better if you don't care. And you're just one of those people that just want to throw words around. Well, I don't know what's going to happen, but I hope things somehow end up working out for you because that is not going to work. Long term, it may work for you in whatever state you might be in at the moment, but long term, that's not going to keep people around you, especially when your word has to win or what you say it has to win. If you don't choose your words right, you can sink your own business deal. You could be working on a deal. You put the wrong terms in.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:12:58

I mean, so many things. It's because we're not thinking about what we're saying and we're not connecting around what we're saying. We're not getting agreement around what we're saying. What we're doing is we're alluding to, to the point where so many people are so confused, they're not really sure what we're saying. So they ask the question, well, did you mean this or did you really mean that? I mean, you can make a basic, straight statement and still people, because of the way communication is nowadays, people can literally say something and go, oh, well, you misheard me. And you could have it on video, and it's the literal words somebody used and they could say, you're taking that out of context. People just don't know how to own up and just say, yes, I said that I was wrong and that's that. We just can't do it because it's almost like people get punished for even making mistakes.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:13:49

So many people are so afraid, but it's making and breaking things. Words do. And I mean, words have weight. Words matter. Words can create, words can tear down way you speak to your children, your friends. So just remember that you can use the right words and take the most saddest story and start putting some hope into it. Right. And also, when you're speaking, pay attention to your tone and your inflection.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:14:22

Right. Your pace. I know I get excited and so I can overwhelm and I get it. And these are all the parts of me. Some people, I mean, they may, gosh, this guy's too intense. Can't even listen. And I get it. Just like I can listen to people and go, ooh, that person's pace bugs me.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:14:37

Or, man, are they stuck or what's happening. Right. I get it. And in those cases, I train myself to adapt so I can listen and receive from other people who are not like me. And I love it, but I'm teaching myself how to value that, right? Because that's important to me. But you can make or break things with your words and remember all of the things I'm talking about. The inflection, your timing, your word, your pace, how loud, how soft, right? Like, all those things have the potential to help you connect to or even break a disconnection, break up, connecting with someone else when you speak. So just think about those.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:15:22

There's simple four things, right? You connect with your intellect, right? This is what you understand. You connect with your emotions. It's what you feel. You connect verbally. It's what you hear, right? Emotion, what you feel. So you've got those four things, visual, intellectual, emotional, verbal. So let's close this out. How do I want to do that? I just want to talk to you a way to just look at that.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:15:50

And these are, like, the four power things that go along with that. These are the four power things that help you with those areas that I just covered with you. So there's the emotional side of things, right? That's your heart, right? Then you have this helpful side, which is clarity, support. And then there's this hopeful side, which is the positivity and possibilities. And then you have what I want to call, like, the lighter side of things, where there's levity, right, in your engagement. Like, learn to lighten up. So these are your power four. This is your heart.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:16:29

So what do I mean by that? To help you with those things? Your heart is just. When you put heart in your communication, it means that you're speaking authentically and you have compassion. You show you care, you create a genuine connection, right? And the more sincerity you can put into the thing that you're doing, the more warmth into the communication. It resonates on a deeper level. It creates the possibility for the seeds of connection and communication to go a little deeper. So your first one there is the heart thing, right? That's what I want now. It's the help. So, as the heart is your emotional connection, the help part is getting the clarity and support.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:17:10

So when you're effectively communicating, you're prioritizing being clear. You're prioritizing being informative. You're prioritizing somehow supportive. Being supportive. And you're guiding whoever's listening to you. If it's an audience that you're speaking or if it's a key, whatever you're doing, if it's a class you're facilitating or it's the conversation that you're in, it will help people, when it's supportive, get to the intended understanding or action that you want. Right. So me being to be helpful to you with all the heart that I have, I'm trying to break these things down into a simple way to where you can grab this and say, this is going to give me some.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:17:50

The intended understanding Tim's giving is that I understand that I could connect at these levels. I can connect with heart. I can be helpful, I can be clear so that I can take that and move forward. So what is the action that I can do? Right. Tim's saying, find the action. So when you're helpful, you're clear in your articulation. When you speak to someone, you try to be mindful in how you even structure what you're saying. If you're afforded that time so that it helps a person to comprehend what you're talking about and you want to offer that support also with your tone.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:18:27

Right. When you're helpful, so don't make a person feel dumb. Right. So be careful that when you're talking, because I can do that. I can make a person feel, and it's something I understand and I don't want to be like that. I don't. Right. But sometimes when I'm talking to someone to try to help them, that it ends up hurting a little bit because it sounds like maybe it's too corrective and it's not helpful enough.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:18:55

So, yeah, I hope that makes sense. So now that I have that clarity and support, then I want that positivity. Right. I want the possibility, which is your hope side. So make sure that your communication, how you communicate, you want to inspire or motivate people. That's part of your how. Let your communication be hopeful. Let it have a sense of optimism and some positivity in what you're doing.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:19:24

You want to say, hey, when I communicate, it's optimistic, it's positive, it's glass half full. Okay, well, I'm a realist. Well, I am a realist. I know it's half empty if it's half full, I get that. But I'm trying to build something. Therefore my focus goes to the half full side. So I pay attention more foundationally and I can create from a place that lets me know I'm halfway there. So that gives me some.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:19:53

I can do it, and I want it to be encouraging. I want it to be a hopeful tone. I want it to be uplifting language. I want my body to present that. It's that way and I know when I initially said this, I was going to give you four. I'm just going to give you these three and this hope one. Because the fourth one. Well, you know what? No, never.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:20:18

I'm going to give you the fourth one. It's levity, right? I mentioned it already. It's a lightness. It's not just humor and being light hearted, but when you're talking to people, you want to feel like it's just got some lightness to it. It feels accessible. It feels like there's some room in there. It feels like the air is circulating. If you're a person that likes it, it's got feng shui.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:20:47

Like, it's breathable. It's a hot day, and you have on your dry fit top, and you know it's hot, but this is something that's moisture wicking. And you love being outside, but the heat is difficult. So you drop in the lightness of your dry fit shirt to kind of wick moisture wicking to get the sweat off you so you could still enjoy doing what you like. So that's the thing. You still enjoy communicating. But bring in that levity. Bring it in.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:21:16

Bring in the lightness in it. Those are your four right there. Okay? Your heart, the help, the hope, right? And then the lightness, the levity. And what are those? It's the emotional connection, the clarity and support, positivity and possibility. And it's the levity in your engagement. I hope this has been helpful, and I hope that you will sit down and go, man, how can I bring more heart? How can I do more clarity and support and help? How can I bring more positivity and possibility and hope into this conversation? And what can I do with levity in my engagement? The lightness. How can I bring the moisture wicking top into there on the hot day? I love being outside. It's hot, but it's really hot.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:22:04

And I don't want to have to go inside and be in the air conditioning. So a way that I can do it is I find this shirt right. So the other things. What is the thing you could introduce into the conversation to keep things moving along? Okay. Take some time with it. You've got this. You can do it. It's already inside of you.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:22:22

Remember, we're just trying to get out of you. What's in you now? You're observing things, but it's in you. All the tools. You can see things, you can read things, listen to things, but it's in you. And I want you to, as you're communicating, your credibility is there. Who you're saying, what is being said, the content of what you're saying, it's just so important. But how you say it, right? How are you going to say it? You can do this. I thank you so much for listening.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:22:49

I appreciate all of you for taking the time and giving a little bit of time out of your day to hear these things. And I hope they will add value to your life. So until we talk next time, we'll talk soon.