Living By The Power Choices and Not Circumstances

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:00:23

Welcome to Blank Pages, the podcast. A podcast for people who appreciate the new beginnings of a clean slate, but strive for the courageous willingness and curiosity available only on the blank pages of new possibilities. It's the potential to move beyond, move forward, where people are willing to make new decisions from fresh perspectives and are ready to write in a much better way. The world is waiting, and nothing listens better than a blank piece of paper. So welcome to the show. I'm so glad you're here with me today. I just want to say thank you for everyone who has subscribed to the show, and thanks for those who have reached reached out to me if you haven't done so to follow the show just in Apple Podcasts or Spotify podcasts, or in Amazon music odyssey audible, just simply find the podcast simple bl space nk and then pages, but drop the A P space g e s so both on blank and pages, you can find me quickly on any of your favorite platforms. So you may have stumbled on me in one, but you may say, I like it over in another.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:01:31

So that's how you'll find me very, very quick. It's easy to do, and I would love for you to follow the show, share the show with other people. Also rate and review the show for me if you would like to follow me as well on any social channels. I do some on LinkedIn. I'll be doing a whole lot more coming up, but mostly I'm on Instagram. I don't overdo anything right now, but you can go to M Pecoraro and go into my bio, and you can at that point join my newsletter, which I would love to share with you. It's a monthly newsletter that updates you on all things that I'm up to. And I do have a lot coming up that I'll be sharing, some pretty big signature items that I'm so looking forward to sharing with you, the listeners, and for other people who have been waiting for me to put this out into the world.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:02:20

Let's get into today's topic. Today's topic is it's all about choices and it's about circumstances, right? And I just, I feel it's important because a lot of people will feel like they're disappointed in their life because they don't like, like they feel like they have not been given, they're in just the circumstances dictate that their life is not good or because of the circumstances in their life that they don't have really good choices and their life looks like it because of the circumstances that they've experienced in their life things that may have gone well or not gone well. And these are the results of it. And because of these circumstances, my life looks like this. So many people will feel trapped by their circumstances and they're going to believe, some people believe that they have no control over their lives. And so that mindset in and of itself can lead to so much unhappiness, so much frustration in a sense of powerlessness. However, though, when you understand the difference between the choices and the circumstances, that is transformative. And that's what I want to get into.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:03:36

I want to focus on our choices and we can significantly impact our lives regardless of the circumstances. So I have gone through some pretty tough things in my life and I know a lot of the circumstances that are from my choices and I've made bad choices that put me in really tough circumstances. And then sometimes you continue to make even worse choices now that you're in those circumstances. Or you try to fix them by making better choices. And you're still trying to hope that now that the circumstances you're making that you got yourself into in the situation from the choices that you've made. So you try to make better choices and you're hoping that those choices will eliminate consequences. Man, it can be so crazy, right? So what I want to do is help us with that. I don't want us to be a limited mindset, fixed mindset person who believes our circumstances have us in a place where we have no control over our lives.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:04:37

Okay? So let's understand choices and let's understand circumstances. And I don't want to take up too much of your time. I just want to put this out there for you to think about. So when we define circumstances, right, these are external factors that are beyond our immediate control. My immediate control, your immediate control. So if you were to think about circumstances, that they're just the backdrop of our lives, right? And the stage that we're on is what we act. This is how we act. It's the stage that we're on.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:05:08

So you have to understand that it often can feel like it's fixed and it's unchangeable in the short term when you just feel those external factors in the circumstances sitting on this stage called life with this massive backdrop all behind us. So here's some examples that I want to give to you. So, you know, when the market trends go up and down and there's recessions and how that can affect your job availability, circumstances, let's go to your family. We don't we can't pick them, right? We don't pick our family. You can choose a spouse you can choose, but you don't get to just pick family where you're coming from. So your upbringing is going to shape the initial worldview and opportunities that you feel you have. So in your life, those circumstances are shaping your worldview. All right, let's, here's another one.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:05:59

Natural disasters, right? So how the unexpected events dramatically can alter our environment. You know, currently they're talking about a tropical storm or a hurricane that's forming that's going to come up, I believe, by way of Texas. And, and then where I'm located, we're going to get the wind toward the east side. So the, that wrap around is going to come around to us. And it's rain on our side and on the west coast side it's not. So this is what you have to deal with. It's out of my control. And there's supposed to be some events going on, things I'm supposed to get involved in, but those may be postponed.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:06:31

Once again, circumstances. Right. So let's now get into some choices. Real simple that I want to emphasize that choices are the actions we take in response though, to our circumstances. So think about that. We, decisions we make within our circumstances, typically it's in response to them. And I want you to know that we always, though, have the power to choose. Even if you ready, the options are feeling very limited.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:07:05

So here's some examples of that. You know, how we choose to pursue our education or if we want to switch industries. These are choices that we get to make. Relationships how we choose. We can choose friends and we can choose partners and how we behave, though, in those relationships, choices. And then if you think about your own personal development, your growth, right, which I'm, that's the thing. I try to get everyone to want to be better at being a human. I want you to be addicted to personal growth, just getting better.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:07:38

So I want you to know that we can choose to learn new skills or we can adapt to healthier habits, right? These are choices. These are things that we can do. So now I want to create this interplay for you where they mix, where they come together between your choices and your circumstances. So your choices shape future circumstances. All right, I'm going to give you a couple of thoughts with that. So whatever you do today, it can create new opportunities or challenges tomorrow. So that's the first thing I want you to know. Your decision today.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:08:17

Remember, tomorrow will only use what you do today for building and working with. So whatever you curate in your choices by way of gathering information and everything, and you make decisions on that, tomorrow will start off working with those things. So today's decisions can create new opportunities or your challenges for tomorrow. For instance, when it comes to money, choosing to save money now can help you with your financial security when later circumstances also, this interplay that I want you to have is circumstances provide context for your choices. So the first one is it can shape your future circumstances. Your choices can, but also circumstances provide context for your choices. So what are the current, any current situation that you're in will influence the options available to you. And you have to think about it.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:09:14

What are the options available? So if I think about how current situation influences the options that are available to me, so whatever's going on, it's going to influence, that's going to inform and influence the way I choose, and that's going to happen. It happens to all of us. Everybody will run into this same opportunity that the current situation will inform and influence your. What's the options that are available to you? So, for instance, if you live in a rural area, it might limit job options, right. If you're job hunting, but it could offer unique lifestyle choices. So the circumstances that you are in, right. Your current situation will influence your choices. So you say, do I want I have this? I can.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:09:59

My jobs are limited, but, man, my unique lifestyle choices are available. This is awesome. But now you got to say, I got to choose. I need to choose. I need to pick. It can be both and right. You can look at it differently, but typically that's where we find ourselves. Most people look at it, I have this and I have this.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:10:15

These are my options. And then the third one. So the first one was, you want to, you know, choices will shape your future circumstances. The second one was, circumstances provide context for your choices. But the third thing that I want to point out is that previous choices create your current circumstances. So your past decisions, my past decisions have led to our present or my present or your present situation. Hmm. So we'll go back to work again.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:10:50

Choosing a particular career path has influenced your current job and lifestyle. Right. So you picked a path to go on. Now, your current job and your lifestyle now are what they are. They created the current circumstances that you now find yourself in. I now find myself in things that you have said yes to by though making that choice, it has now influenced. Right. Has an influence on your current situation, your life, what's going on.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:11:21

This is what we have to understand. Your decisions have led to your present situation. And now what do you do if someone made a decision and it harmed you? Well, you still get to decide what to do with what they've done when they harm you. It's someone I watch. Leaders, and we, as a leader, I'm a leader, we make, we make mistakes, we fail. Leaders make mistakes. And if you're an honest person, you're going to admit you make mistakes, and you're going to admit when you do them really bad, when you really fail miserably. That's what good leaders do.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:11:50

Good leaders don't have to be coerced into admitting something. They don't have to be coerced into, um, uh, showing up. They don't have to coerce to admit when they let you down. They don't have to be coerced into doing hard work. You know, they, you don't have to trick them and trap them and coerce them. It's going to be something that they are willing to do because they're going to own that. They're going to own it and they're going to own those decisions. They're going to own what they have done, whether I like it or nothing, but they're going to own it.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:12:24

But the biggest part of these choices is us understanding that there is the power of choice. So this context that I want to give to you is from, it's a Frankel's experience in a nazi concentration camp. And so I don't know if you study any of that stuff, but the whole premise that I'm trying to think about how I want to lead you. So Viktor Frankl's quote, okay, that I believe that most of us, if we take any time and we sit and we spend some time thinking about the frameworks and the things that we think and the things that we're doing and the way that we're behaving, we realize that by and large, that our circumstances that we're in, that we actually do have power. Because when something happens, you are there still with a choice. So an extreme circumstance can give you the opportunity to find your power to choose. So in this, this example that I want to give to you is that, and I'm trying to make sure I give you the right quote here for Victor Frankel. And I had it listed here, and I'll have to pull it up however it is, and I'll post it in the show notes.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:13:46

But I want you to know that when you have an extreme circumstance, you can find the power in what you do to respond. So what it is, is the emphasis is in between the thing that happens, right? The thing that happened and then your response to it. That's the space between the stimulus and the response exists for all of us. Everyone has their power. Right there. Something happens, you respond. In the middle is where you have power. I want you to understand and recognize that you have the ability to choose, and it will shift you.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:14:24

When you choose from a vic, from a victim, into an actor, you move from the victim into the, into the protagonist in your story rather than the character in somebody else's. And this mindset is what will increase, will lead to your increased motivation and resilience. You'll be motivated to move and you will have resilience to be able to bounce back. So if you think about what I was saying, Viktor Frankl in a nazi concentration camp, recognize that things are going to happen. This is the circumstance I'm in here. I have choice. This other situation, this day, in this camp, this happens. I have a choice.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:15:08

I can choose. I want you to focus on your choices so that it empowers you not to be disempowered because you are only looking at the circumstances. You got to move from the victim into the actor or the protagonist in your story. I want you to understand that you also, even your small choices have that significant impact over time as they build through that compound interest almost, that it will multiply and it'll grow, that it will build one thing upon the other. So if I understand that there's a stimuli and then there's a response, but in between the two is where my power is and where I can choose. What's going to help that. How do I get better at that? How can I make sure that I make a better choice in a circumstance or a situation or a thing that happens, that I choose better? Well, it's your principles. It's your principles and values and value based.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:16:12

Values based decision making. You want to make sure that you have principles and values based decision making in you. So how. What are those? I'm going to give you three things to look at. I want you to, number one, identify your personal values and principles. You need to reflect on this. Sit down. What do I value? What are the principles? For me? There are, there are proverbs, there are things in that I try to use from there.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:16:36

There are, there are things in the Bible that obviously that I need to know, I need to stay on top of. And when I stay, when I stray away from those things, I find trouble. And, man, I find trouble bad. So I want you to make sure that you reflect so you can understand what truly matters to you. So that way you make better decisions. And then you need to understand there's, you know, some of these values are like integrity. You know, integrity isn't, you know, everyone throws that word around, but to me, integrity is, if you have a friend, the integrity will be how you and that friend connect. It's the bond between you.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:17:15

What's the integrity of the bond? What's the integrity of the word, of the person speaking? Where does it come from? Does that, is it integrous because the words are being spoken, but are they truthful? What's the integrity of the words, not just the person, because a person could be saying something from someone else and they're just passing the information. So you have to also make sure that you know what you're saying. So we have character. Character is your qualities. What are you made up of? You know, other things about a good character is a person with good character doesn't quit on people. A good person with character doesn't just walk off on people. A good person with character actually gives people the time of day to explain things or talk to them. They tell them the reasons for things.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:18:00

That's what they do when they have good character. People who lack character, they will mislead, they will deceive, they will do so many other things, but the thing that needs to be done. And they can come up with many reasons as to why they want to make something palatable for you. So they lie. So they make up something. But then if you think about it, it's like, why would you think that you causing injury with a lie makes something palatable or better? It's just the craziest things that as human beings, we come up with. But I digress, right? So integrity, compassion, growth, those are values I value growing. So I want to make a decision.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:18:35

Is this going to help me grow or not? Is this going to help me have integrity or not? Is this going to be compassionate or nothing? Is this going to be empathetic or not? Is this true or not? These are principles and values that help you make better decisions. And then I want you to use these. I'm going to give you examples as compass, like a compass for your decision making. So when you look at those and you're saying integrity and you say, and you say empathy or you say compassion or growth or whatever those values are, that's your compass. So when you're making difficult decisions, you can just hold that up and say, is that my true north. Right. So, for instance, if you're going to take a job, someone's going to offer you a job. Well, what's the alignment with that? With that, what's the personal values? Rather than just how much money does this company, how do they stand when it comes to things that you believe in? You know, how do they treat people? You know, what's the leadership like? Do the leaders have integrity? Do you want to work for people? Don't.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:19:38

Because if you just chase the money, you're going to get burned by your own decision. And then when you find yourself in bad circumstances, you're going to need to reflect on it and know where it came from equally. So if you're the leader and you hire people that operate in a certain way that have no integrity and you let that carry on, you may lose more than just one or two. You may lose a lot. These are things that people need to be thinking about on the daily. Not just let me scoop by this, shove something under the rug and bury it because you'll find yourself in tricky situations. But remember, something happens, you have a response, and in the middle of there is your power. That's where you can choose.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:20:18

You have an opportunity to choose. And then because of this approach that I'm giving to you, I think it can lead, help you lead. It'll lead you to a more consistent and fulfilling outcomes in your life because you get more of this long term satisfaction, because you're making the choice that you're dealing with right now in the immediate, but it's because you have a vision for the future. It's not just how do I get through? How do I get by? How do I just do it? How do I just deal with it? And when you, when you take this approach as well, it will reduce the fatigue you get in decision making, and it's going to increase your confidence in your, in your choices that you make in the future. So when you're sitting there, like for me, I heard people say, well, I'm going to pray about something. Okay, great. Pray about it. Line it up with all your values.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:21:09

Do all that stuff. But remember, when you make your choice, you got to remember, you got to think about. Not short term, you got to think about long term. So other people say, well, I'm gonna go get counsel. Great, get your counsel. But remember, when you come back, you need to make sure that you understand what you're doing, and you want to reduce your fatigue in this decision. And as you're making it, you want to increase your confidence in your decision making, but make sure that you always are very, very good at checking the outcomes. To make sure that you don't just create a habit or a pattern of doing something to where you say, oh, I got to go talk to my people, or, hey, I got to go pray if you're a believer or something, or you pray, whatever, you know, I got to go.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:21:46

I got to go. I'm gonna go sit and meditate, or I'm gonna go journal about it or whatever. Don't just. Cause if eventually you just use those as smokescreens, if you are not truly checking the results of your decisions. So here's some simple, practical things that you can do. You can, you know, really work on your self awareness. Make sure that you're writing about what it is, learning from these choices, how being, how when you're present it, it's gonna help you recognize the choices that are available to you, where you're not just grabbing like, you're hungry, going through the grocery store, and you haven't eaten all day, and you ignore your shopping list and you spend way too much money, and then eventually you're gonna eat a bunch of stuff that's no good, just bad choices. When you also, you gotta reframe your challenges as opportunities for your choices.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:22:38

So, the first one is work on the self awareness. Second one is reframe challenges as opportunities for your choices. So you want to shift your perspective on difficult situations. In other words, get a different point of view. Like, I'm holding up this cup right now, and as you see it, on one side, you can see what the logo is, but on the backside, you can't see what's there. You can only guess. But the best way for you to see it is either for me to show it to you, ask me to show you, or that means get some help, or you walk around and you have to take a look at it on the other side. Shifting your perspective is going to help you.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:23:14

I didn't say abandon values, and I'll talk about that as I wrap up. But you also want to ask yourself a question. There's power in this. What can I choose to do in this situation? What are my choices? What does it look like? What do I hope to accomplish? So, ask yourself. Reframe your challenges as opportunities and then regular reflection on your personal values and principles. Mandy, periodically, you just need to sit down and review and refine your personal values. And then it would be so important for you to understand that your values can evolve over time and the importance. But it's in the importance of them.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:23:51

Staying aligned is important. So you key they evolve. Yes, that's important to know. But do they stay aligned? You have to be careful because you can. It's very easy to drift off course. And when you're not checking your values, you give yourself this false positive thinking that everything's okay until you run into some crazy circumstance or situation. And then you start asking how you got there. And then maybe you start looking around and blaming everybody else.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:24:19

You move into a victim and you're no longer the actor. Then Quirado, be careful. You cannot do that or you shouldn't. Please don't do that to yourself. And then just, man, just practice gratitude for the power of your choice. You know, acknowledge your ability to choose and you know, to choose. And when you do that, when you acknowledge it, I mean, it can increase your appreciation for life. You begin to look at life differently, you value life better.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:24:52

I mean, you really stop looking at what's against you and you start realizing that there's so much out there for you. And then I just think, keep a choice journal if you can, or some sort of piece of paper and record important decisions in their outcomes. I might even put up a little cheat sheet on making decisions, but just, just write down some of those big decisions. Like, I'm looking at some. I've got a couple on the horizon right now. One right now where I'm wrestling with a decision on how to pursue, proceed with a situation and pursue something that could be pretty, pretty heavy duty and it could have a lot of impact on someone, which I'm struggling with because I don't want anyone, I don't want them to have to deal with it. And so that challenges my, my insides and my compassion and how I care. So I just want you to know, remember that there's a difference, a difference between your choices and your circumstances.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:25:56

Choices you actually have power, circumstances you actually can take that power that you have, remind yourself of your values and principles, remind yourself of decision you've made before, and elevate those and allow yourself to look at it and realize that I can make choices that are going to help me have a better life regardless, regardless of me having not as many options as I'd like. Again, I didn't get to the circumstance of my family and the way I grew up and things like that. I can't control all those options, but I still got to make choices, and I had to make those choices in whatever, how good or bad my family life might have been that I still make choices that I'm going to live with because my life will be the sum total of all my choices. And because you can't, and I have to emphasize this, you cannot control all of our circumstances. We just can't. But we do have the power to choose our response. And to me, that is far greater. I want you to start focusing on your choices.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:27:02

I want you to make your decisions based on your values and your principles. I hope that you'll embrace a power of choice every day in your life. Every day. Not circumstance, choice. Understanding my choices will create future circumstances. And then think about that. I can't control everything, but, man, I can choose the step I take. If you're a leader and you fail, you know what? You're not a bad leader.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:27:33

Because you fail. You can choose what you do next to make things better. The circumstances may not or the consequences may not change, but your circumstances can definitely improve. When you think that way, I just want you to embrace it. I want you to not sacrifice your own standards and values and step over them and find yourself in a world of hurt or a world of trouble. You can do this. I can do it. We all can.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:28:06

We can all work on getting better. Being better at being human. Get better at being human. And we can start with our choices. So don't be a person of circumstance. Be a person that embraces the choices. Make your first choice your best choice your best. Go at it, and do it with all the power that God has given to you.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:28:25

And get counsel, get understanding, do those things. But remember, embrace your power to choose. And until next time, we'll talk soon.